Tribute Increase

Effective January 1, 2021 I will be increasing my tribute to $300 per hour. This will affect all sessions up to four hours in length. Six- and eight-hour session will be unaffected. As usual, I will offer a discount for multiple hours.

This decision has nothing to do with the pandemic. I had been planning on raising it at the beginning of 2021 long before the COVID outbreak. In fact, knowing how difficult this time had been for people had me consider that maybe I should postpone, but it’s been 3 years since my last tribute increase, I’ve been behind the current national rate for a while now, and I have been seeing new Dommes with no private dungeon charging more than me, so I decided it was time.

Existing clients that I have seen at least 4 times between March of 2019 and March of 2020 will be grandmothered until June 1, 2021.

Online Class Reformat

I’ve decided to change things a bit.

Instead of one course, I’m going to offer a “Kinky College” series:

BDSM 101: FOUNDATIONS will now become BDSM 201: PSYCHOLOGY.

BDSM 101: FOUNDATIONS will have a content change. New description:

This is no boring 101 class! Here you will learn the foundational elements of this thing we call “BDSM”, such as:

  • What exactly do we mean when we say “BDSM”? How is it different than “kink”?
  • Categories of play
  • What does it mean to be “lifestyle” or “professional”? Similarities and differences
  • Culture and Community: who, where, what, when, why

BDSM 201: PSYCHOLOGY will retain the same description and content:

This course will provide a rich and in-depth discussion of various psychological concepts fundamental to BDSM which are often confusing and misunderstood. This will provide a rock-solid foundation for genuine understanding and improved play and for beginners and experienced players alike. Some concepts include:

  • Understanding the difference between BDSM and abuse
  • Dominant/Top & submissive/bottom: how they differ from one another and why they are commonly confused
  • What is fetishism and how does it affect me
  • “Topping from the bottom” is real but it has nothing to do with topping
  • Fantasy or Reality: why you need to know where you’re at

I will also add two courses to the series:

BDSM 301: UNDERSTANDING AND NEGOTIATING YOURSELF

You’ve got a solid understanding of the psychology, but how do you fit in? In this course I will provide insight into figuring out your “Kink Personality” and how to effectively communicate that with whom you choose to play. Areas covered:

  • Figuring our your interests
  • Limits: The different types and how you can understand your own
  • Recognizing and developing your own playstyle
  • Negotiating your needs and desires into a scene

BDSM 401: SCENES

Now, you have all this information and you’re ready to play with someone, but you don’t know where to start! In this course I will help you get a better grasp on this process so you can feel confident going into — and coming out of — play. This includes:

  • What exactly is a “scene”?
  • Understanding how to conduct a scene that is right for you
  • Uh oh: How to recognize a problem and what to do about it
  • What is aftercare and why is it important

Unlike actual college, I will not make any of these a prerequisite for subsequent classes, however I do recommend taking the smaller numbered courses before the later ones because the content all ties in with each other and will be referenced throughout. Questions you may have on previous content may only be briefly addressed so as not to infringe on the current class.

For scheduling and to buy tickets, please visit my classes page.

N.B.: I will NOT be recording the classes. Instead, I will be repeating the series periodically.

Testing my new equipment on Monkey Dick

Monkey Dick is always up for a thorough assault on his junk. And so I took his C & B to the task.

Here is the new, spiked ball enclosure I selected:

How hot is that???

Then, I tried the ball stretcher with spiked plate:

It took some finagling to get him in there, but I get my way eventually, so he knew that as soon as I pulled this out of my toy cabinet his balls were doomed…DOOMED….

I can still hear the gasp and fearful moans…..music to my ears!

Back after an almost two-month hiatus!

After WordPress so kindly suspended my site on October 30th (after saying they were okay with it AND taking my money for a premium package), I was faced with the task of not just finding any old host to throw it back up on, but one I felt would not censor me again.

I found that host and thanks to their excellent customer service am back up and blogging.

I’m going to be tweaking things over the next several weeks. For one, the appearance; so what you see is likely to change. If you see any missing photos or links, please comment so I can be made aware of them.

If you were subscribed to my blog, you may need to subscribe again. I can’t find any information on subscribers on the dashboard, and I haven’t had a chance to look that up and figure it out.

Thanks for reading!

Practice Bottom Needed

The legendary Amanda Wildfyre will be at Temenos teaching me sounding, intraurethral play, play piercing, suturing, and perhaps more. I will need someone who is comfortable being my practice bottom for ALL of these activities.

This will not be a scene. Please do not expect fetishwear or scene-typical behavior.

Our tentative date is December 4th. No specific time has been set, but we anticipate at least two hours will be needed. Hours can be afternoon or evening.

Preference will go to my existing clients. New clients will be considered but you MUST have adequate and current professional reference(s). No exceptions will be made.

Existing clients will not be required to pay tribute. That’s right: you get to come and be with me and the amazing Ms. Amanda Wildfyre in exchange for offering your body.

New clients will be required to pay a tribute of $200. This will be due at the time you commit.

If interested…

Existing clients: please send me an email.

New clients: please complete the session request form on my website and be prepared to have a brief conversation with me on the phone, provide references, and pay your tribute.

Some Suprises

I love gifts. Who doesn’t??

Some surprises this week…

I have a love for fishnet and I received an assortment of sexy bodysuits from beth:

MistressTissa_beth_netsuits

Thank you for sending me such lovely gifts, beth!!

And then I received this gorgeous 4″ shungite pyramid from greg patrick:

MistressTissa_gp_shungitepy

Included was this note:

I wanted to thank you for comforting me in my time of despair.

You’re welcome. I love it! I’m delighted to add it to my mineral collection. Thank you, greg patrick!

 

A Real FemDom Island? Welcome To Estonia’s Isle Of Women

Kihnuwomanwithdog

“…the concept of feminism, often met with bewilderment here. The reasoning: Of course, women are capable. Of course, women are competent. But no, men and women aren’t equal — women have proven they can do everything men can, but men can’t do everything women can.”

“People think we are making some statement with the women being in charge, but that’s our culture,” she reasoned. “It works. We can’t imagine it any other way.”

Full article here.

How Do I Know If My Kink Is Good Or Bad? And What Can I Do About It?

Do you feel unsure about your sexuality, specifically your kinks? Have you been concerned whether what you enjoy is “good” or if it’s “bad”? Have you asked yourself, “Is it OK that I’m doing this?” or “Is there something wrong with me?” If you have, it’s normal. People have these concerns — sometimes to the point of causing great distress — that something is just not right about the “kinky” things they enjoy, but they have difficulty considering this objectively.

When trying to get some insight, it’s important to remember that since everyone has different likes, dislikes, levels of comfort, etc., and what feels good for one person may not be for another. “Good” and “bad” can be used as a shorthand for a value judgment and these values don’t necessarily apply to everyone. Because of this, I encourage you to instead think of them as either “healthy” or “unhealthy”.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help evaluate where yours fall:

When engaging in your kink, do you…

MistressTissa_Strippedrequire that you first become intoxicated? Are you unable to engage in your interest without first needing to get drunk or do drugs?

…ignore boundaries — whether your own or someone else’s? Do you routinely allow yourself to be pressured to do things you don’t want to do? Or do you pressure or “trick” someone else into doing things? Is “consent” something you let someone else decide for you or something you believe you should decide for others? (This does not include the practice of “consensual non-consent”.)

…not know when or how to stop? Do you have a compulsive need to do your kink? Does it feel like you’re “addicted” to it? Do you want to stop but you believe you can’t?

 …feel guilt or regret afterward? Do you wish you hadn’t done what you just did? Do you experience anxiety or depression afterward? Perhaps feeling bad about yourself, beating yourself up, or even go so far as to have thoughts of self-harm?

…see that it has had an overall negative impact on your life? Such as preoccupying much of your thoughts at the expense of other important things? Compelling you to recklessly spend money? Causing you be late for or miss work? Affecting your interpersonal relationships, such as with family or friends? Or generally decreasing your quality of life?

If you said yes to any of these questions, you may have an unhealthy relationship to your kink. (If you didn’t then your relationship may be healthy.)

What’s important to note with feelings of guilt or regret is that while they may indicate a problem they don’t necessarily mean that the kink itself is the problem. Sometimes people feel guilt or regret because of their own beliefs about their kink; such as that they are a defective or bad person, something which our culture may teach us but may not be true. Some people feel guilt or regret after secretly engaging in their kink because they assume the people in their lives will not understand or approve. In both these cases, the issue may not be the kink but the attitudes and circumstances surrounding the kink.

What do you do if you think you might have an unhealthy relationship to your kink?

I recommend finding a qualified professional who is trained in mental health and has competency with human sexuality, particularly kink, and experience helping people with the kinds of emotions you’re having (e.g. shame, guilt, anger, addiction).

Where can you get a kink-competent* provider?

One place I’d recommend looking is the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom’s Kink-Aware Professional database. This database does not include all providers; only those that have requested to be listed. So, if you don’t see someone in your area, that does not mean there isn’t someone out there.

Another place to look is a search engine. Try searching for “therapy” or “counseling” or even “coaching”; your city or state; and your specific kink, or just “kink”, or even “sexuality”. See who comes up. If anyone looks interesting, give them a call. You may find other directories this way as well.

What if I have/don’t have insurance?

If you have insurance and need the provider to be in-network, contact your insurer for a list of mental health professionals in your area and then do a quick web search for each of them. See if they have a website with information about their competencies. If you’re unclear, give them a quick call. Most providers will be happy to answer a few questions about their qualifications and if they think they might be able to help you.

If you can’t find someone in-network, don’t despair. Sometimes insurers will cover out-of-network providers if their rate is comparable to those in-network. Or, they will cover a certain amount and you pay the rest. Ask your insurer about this. Then ask the provider you’re interested in if they are willing to work with your insurer.

If you are able to pay out of pocket you are likely to have more options. So consider if you’re willing to go that route and how much you are able to afford. I recommend thinking about this before you make any calls so you’re prepared to discuss it if you find a provider that interests you. (Note: unlicensed providers are not able to take insurance.)

How do you know if the person is right for you?

This is usually not immediately apparent. It’s like going to a doctor or restaurant or even meeting a new friend. Sometimes you may feel like it’s a good fit from the first visit, sometimes it takes a little more time. Prepare yourself for there to be some trial and error.

Before you make an appointment with someone, know that you are completely within your right to vet the person with whom you will be sharing many personal details of your life. This means you’re allowed to ask them about their education, experience, attitudes toward and competency with your specific kink (and even kinks, in general), and how they have helped people like you in the past. If they do not welcome your questions, this is, in my view, a red flag.

Also important is to be aware that if you do find someone and they in any way try to shame and tell you that you should not be kinky and are bad for being this way, I recommend that you STOP seeing them. This is not the behavior of a kink-friendly or competent provider and is not an appropriate match for kinky people. (They are also likely to not be a good mental health practitioner in general.) Seeing someone like this would be like a gay person wanting support for being gay and the provider telling them that being gay is bad and to stop being gay. If you do not feel they are offering reasonable support, then try someone else.

Does having unhealthy thoughts or feelings make you “crazy”?

If you are worried about the possibility that because you might have an unhealthy relationship to your kink that you are in some way “crazy”, please understand that having any of the above thoughts or feelings doesn’t necessarily mean you’re “mentally ill” in the way a lot of people think of it, but that understanding unhealthy thoughts, feelings, and behavior, and the processing and modification of those things, is what therapists, counselors, and even some coaches are trained to do. This is why they are a good choice to support you through these types of issues.

(*Not just kink-friendly. Anyone can be “friendly” to a situation or type of person; it doesn’t mean that have any idea of how to appropriately help and support them.)