My trip to Europe

I recently vacationed for 10 days in Europe. The itinerary was: Amsterdam, Prague, Berlin, and London.

After a connection in Dublin, I landed in Amsterdam.

I spent the afternoon dealing with some jet lag, but then ventured out and walked to the Red Light District.

It’s very rude to take photos of the women while they’re working, so I’ll only give you a glimpse of a couple of windows behind Me.

MistressTissa_RLD

I visited the Museum of Prostitution.

There were many placards throughout. Such as this one:

MistressTissa_PMProudWomen

MistressTissa_PMWantReject

Sex workers don’t like trafficking either. (Don’t let anyone try to convince you that sex work is the same as sex trafficking.)

According to this museum, when women get “older”, they may choose to become ‘SM mistresses”. Obviously, many women of younger ages always preferred working in BDSM.

MistressTissa_PMSMMistresses

There was a room dedicated to the “SM Mistress”. It included a sling…

MistressTissa_PMsling

…a St. Andrew’s Cross…

MistressTissa_PMcross

…a wall of basic implements…

MistressTissa_PMgear

…and a standing cage (which I thought I took a photo of but apparently did not).

The Cross included this warning:

MistressTissa_PMOwnRisk

The victim’s arms and legs are now spread wide and the mistress is free to do as she wishes” Music to My ears!

Here is “The Story of Kelly”:

MistressTissa_PMControl

While I’ve never provided the type of services implied here, I feel very confident that being a Dominatrix couldn’t possibly be less physically demanding. I would say it may just be differently physically demanding.

There were some quotes from workers that had been painted on the wall:

MistressTissa_PMSexTherapist

MistressTissa_PMFainthearted

I agree with both. This and all other forms of sex work are important work and therapeutic for many. It’s also not for wimps.

On another wall were “confessions”. The museum provides blank cards on which visitors can write their erotic secrets. Then, they are posted for everyone to read. Here is one that We Dommes hear regularly:

MistressTissa_PMStrapOn

I loved this one:

MistressTissa_PMBeautiful

The next day, I went to Demask…

MistressTissa_DemaskNL

So much rubber and not enough Euros!

I did buy something, though. It will show up in a photo shoot soon.

About an hour or so after this photo was taken I began feeling very ill and rushed back to My hotel. I spent the next 24 hours dreadfully ill with food poisoning. The 24 after that I began feeling better but couldn’t eat much. As a result, I had to cancel My trip to Prague and wait it out in My hotel room.

So, I went directly to Berlin instead.

I was greeted in baggage claim with this sign:

MistressTissa_NoBSBank

It almost made up for the insanely slow process of getting My bags. (The plane was literally 200 feet from the claim area, but it somehow took like 45 minutes.)

I appreciated this advert for “Dildo King”:

MistressTissa_DildoKing

Shortly thereafter, I saw another:

MistressTissa_DildoKing2

Thank you, Berlin, for so openly accepting ads for dildos — and right next to “apartments for sale”. <3

Also, the universal impulse to draw-on nipples:

MistressTissa_BerlinNips

I visited Peter Dominie…

MistressTissa_PeterD

They have a lovely store…

MistressTissa_PeterD2

…where I would have bought a couple of things, but, sadly, they did not have My size. (The woman working was very helpful, though!)

Then, I went to Mister B. (I forgot to take a photo of the exterior, so excited I was to get inside.)

I had a fantastic experience at the Paris location, so I was looking forward to what I might find.

I had another excellent experience in Berlin and picked up a few things to add to Temenos:

MistressTissa_MrBhaul

A PVC flogger, a lightweight rubber flogger, and a neoprene open-jaw mask.

That evening, I went to My fourth Roger Waters show for his Us + Them tour. This time I got first row. It was incredible. My favorite of the four. The Berlin audience was friendly and radiated good energy.

There were a few changes from the US leg, one was that during the intermission there were examples of things to #Resist from:

MistressTissa_Waters_Torture

I do enjoy rewarding torture, so, I’m sorry, Mr. Waters, but this one I will have to politely decline. 😉

The next day I headed to London.

Not much kink to report (I did have an almost erotic experience with a delicious veggie burger at Honest Burgers in Soho), but I did engage in My fetish for historical buildings and again walked around Westminster Abbey, this time stopping in the little Jewel Tower tucked behind.

This is one of the windows from this modest 14-century building:

MistressTissa_BowSubject

If you’re My subject, you belong on your knees.

;>

Looking forward to My next trip, where I’ll get to really indulge in My historical building fetish: Rome and Athens next year!

Eros.com / Eros Ads / Eros Guide

In case anyone had noticed and was wondering, My Eros ad has been down for almost a month. When it came time to renew, I suddenly couldn’t process a payment.

I have emailed them three times over the course of the month and they are not replying.

I have tried calling and their phone says they are not taking calls.

In the time I’ve used them have never not answered the phone, and it is very unlike them to not reply to email; they usually reply in less than 24 hours. They have always had fantastic customer service.

There are concerns that because of the new law, the site has been compromised. It could certainly explain the multiple complaints I’m hearing about ads being paid for and not being listed, ads disappearing, unreturned messages, and an inability to contact.

For now, you may wish to use caution with the site.

UPDATE: Payment finally went through and My ad is back up!

 

This Kind of Sex Can Create an Altered Mental State

Article: This Kind of Sex Can Create an Altered Mental State (Time.com)

Aside from the ad for the new 50 Shades movie at the top, I also have a criticism about:

“The researchers randomly assigned a person in each pair to the “top” role—the person who gives orders—or the “bottom” role, the one who follows them.”

This is a common error, as it conflates the role of top with Dominant and bottom with submissive. These often pair, but not always. Being a top does not inherently mean you are the Dominant (“person who gives orders”) and being the bottom does not always mean you are submissive (“the one who follows them”).

Bonus: a brief interview with Dr. Shirley Zussman, a 100-year-old sex therapist!

What You Need to Know About “Forced Bi” (and Cuckolding and…)

“Forced bi” is a common fantasy, and men regularly ask for it, so I think it’s important to discuss what is involved in this type of scene before one decides to make it a reality. I’m doing this because I’m incredibly tired of going through the process and having the same conversation over and over, which often ends with the guy disappearing. Now, I’m going to point them to this article instead. If they come out alive, then I’ll know I’m dealing with someone who is as serious as I am.

If you don’t know, “forced bi” entails a Dominant woman “forcing” a man to erotically interact with another male. (I prefer to call it “forced homo” or “forced gay” to push My own homoerotic buttons.) Activities can include fondling, kissing, oral, anal, etc. The setting and motivation can vary.

Since cuckolding includes similar activities, what I’m going to say is also applicable for cuckolding scenarios. So it is useful for cucks, hotwives, and bulls to read as well. Or, really, anyone who wants to include intimate contact in their scenes.

Now, though it is popular, not all Dommes engage in this type of play, or if they do they may not allow all facets of it. There are a variety of reasons, some of which may be a personal lack of interest in this type of scene, legal concerns, or the number of flakes. That’s right: a lot of people ask for this play and when the Domme begins planning the scene, they suddenly go MIA. Whether they got cold feet, changed their mind, or had no real intention to play, there is a very high rate of people who don’t follow through.

As a result, when you ask for this type of session, you may be required to go through some extra checks to ensure you’re sincere. The Domme may ask for references, a deposit, a larger tribute, the entire tribute up-front, or something else that makes Her feel more secure. This is to gauge how serious you are. Because so many people are not serious, it is imperative that we weed those people out so we spend our time wisely.

Oh, you’re one of the serious ones? Hot.

The next thing you need to know is the Domme may not allow you to select who She is “forcing” you on. She may have one or more people that She works with for this type of scenario, and She may be the one who chooses who it will be. In that case, it is typical that the Domme will increase the tribute to cover the cost of the additional person’s time and work. In the event She is willing to let you specify, consider yourself very fortunate, but know it may come with additional requirements.

So, you have some very specific person in mind? Let’s say you’d like a guy who’s 6’4″, African American, 225lbs, muscular, smooth, and has a cock 8″ long. Well, I hate to tell you this, but there is no McStud drive-through window. We can’t just place an order off a menu for you; these people have to be found. Depending on your criteria, it may be very, very difficult to find your ideal. Now, if your Domme is amazing and willing to try to find your dreamboat, don’t be surprised or offended if She requires a finder’s fee. This fee may be commensurate with how much of Her time She invests or expects to invest in this search.

Why a finder’s fee? Your Domme is taking time out of Her day to help your fantasy come true. The time She’s spending trying to make your fantasy come true is time She’s not spending doing other work. And it is work. Don’t believe Me? Stop and think for a moment what you would do if you wanted to find your ideal and set this scenario up yourself. Where would you look? How would you contact people? Screen them? Maybe coordinate a time to meet them? Know you can trust them? It can take a lot of time, and there’s no guarantee that if the Domme finds this person they will actually be suitable for the scene. That’s another sometimes lengthy process.

Still with Me? Excellent.

The last thing you need to be aware of is the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). This is the part where the fantasy usually falls apart. Guys usually want to be forced onto bare cocks and it’s clear they haven’t thought it through. As soon as the details are discussed, the boner dies — possibly forever. As a former sexual health educator and counselor, I believe very a honest conversation about this is a mandatory part of ethical play. To allow people to remain ignorant or make decisions under the influence of a Boner High is pretty irresponsible.

If you didn’t know, all contact with other people’s bodies involves some kind of risk. Some things are more risky than others. Obviously, we work to mitigate this risk by introducing harm reduction efforts. We thoroughly clean anything that will come into contact with bodies, like furniture, equipment, and toys; and by introducing barriers, like gloves, condoms, chux, etc. If you remove any of these measures, you increase risk.

So, you want to suck or fuck a cock without a condom? Cool, but make sure you are very clear about what could happen when you do. It is especially crucial that those of you who are engaging in this type of play without the knowledge of your significant others know this before you put your partner at risk. I’ll skip My diatribe on honesty, but I will be blunt as hell in saying that if you recklessly catch an STI and pass it to your unknowing partner, possibly creating a life-changing situation for them, then you are a fucking shitbag of a human being.

What about getting tested? Getting tested is a fantastic idea — for everyone. There are lots of places around the country which provide free testing. Do a search for “free STI testing [your area]”. Just be aware that some clinics do not provide all available tests, so be sure to ask which are covered. And some tests don’t exist, such as one for HPV. If you still want to do this type of scene, don’t be afraid to ask your Domme about Her process: how She selects someone, screens them, how She cleans, what barriers She uses, etc. If She refuses to answer your questions or acts offended, I do not recommend doing this type of scene with Her.

Yep, this is all real shit, My sluts. This is why cleanliness is so important. And disclosure about one’s status.

Now, if you’ve completely lost your hard-on and think there is no way you can ever have your fantasy come true safely, that’s not so. If you take the right precautions, it’s possible to keep the risk very, very low. If everyone is careful, you can make it happen and stay safe.

If you’ve made it this far, bravo. I know discussing logistics can be pretty unsexy — but it’s a lot sexier than coming down with syphilis.

tl;dr: if you have this fantasy, great, but understand that if you really want it to come true, it will not happen with the wave of magic wand; it will take work. And if the Dominant is a professional, it may require compensating them, and possibly the other party, appropriately. It may also require some flexibility on your part. You may need to give up the Stud of your Dreams and let the Domme bring in the person She is already working with. Lastly, you need to be aware of risk and what you need to do to keep yourself (and possibly someone else) safe.

Beware of iFet.com

When iFet.com popped up, I noticed people flocking to it. It seemed like it might be a step up from other similar sites because, for one, they have a more attractive interface. However, being the cautious, not-so-easily-lead, and nonconformist type, I held back. So many people seem so quick to get listed on any new site without asking questions like:

  • Who runs this site?
  • Are they trustworthy?
  • Do they have good business practices?
  • What are they doing with the information I submit?
  • Is the information secure?
  • Could this be a scam?
  • Could My reputation be affected by listing Myself here?

Well, I read iFet.com’s Terms and Conditions and was very displeased to see that anything you transmit through their site — word, images, ideas — essentially becomes theirs to use in whatever way they see fit.

Here it is, taken directly from their site:

Personal Communications and License to Your Content – Right to Block or Remove Content

  • You acknowledge and agree that your communications with other Users or Members via emails, chats, conferences, bulletin boards, blogs, posts and any other publicly accessible avenues of communication through the Services are public and not private communications. Therefore, we strongly encourage you to use caution before disclosing any personal information about yourself in your public communications. We are not responsible for information that you choose to communicate to other users or members, or for the actions of other users or members, and you agree to indemnify us and hold us harmless from any losses, liabilities, damages or expenses you may incur due to such communications or actions. Except as provided in our Privacy Policy, once you post, send or otherwise make publicly available any Content through the Services (‘Personal Content’), you expressly grant us, and hereby represent that you have the right to grant us, a perpetual, irrevocable, world-wide, assignable, sub-licensable, and transferable right and license to quote, re-post, use, copy, reproduce, modify, create derivative works of, incorporate into other works, distribute, transmit, broadcast, communicate, publicly display, publicly perform and otherwise exploit such Content in any form or media, anywhere, and without any notice or compensation to you of any kind. You hereby grant us all consents, rights and clearances to enable us to use such Personal Content for such purposes. Personal Content may be searchable by, and you may be able to view and search Personal Content on, different websites (i.e., different URLs in the form of ‘co-brands’ or ‘private labels’) operated by us or our affiliated entities. Personal Content may also be searchable by third-party search engines, such as Google, Yahoo and Bing. [http://www.ifet.com/terms-of-service]

Yes, that’s right: When you use their site — including EMAILS and CHATS — it’s all considered PUBLIC information. Of this public information, they get to take anything they want in the form of a quote (or misquote), reproduction, modification (of your photos, for example), create a derivation or incorporate it into other works (imagine the possibilities…and profits), take and display or perform anywhere they choose, but they also get to sub-license it to any affiliate, PERPETUALLY AND IRREVOCABLY! (read: now and forever without you calling a do-over)

In short: ANYTHING YOU DO ON THIS SITE IS NO LONGER YOURS ONCE YOU DO IT — AND IF THEY MAKE MONEY OFF WHAT YOU’VE DONE, YOU DON’T GET ANY OF IT.

Why is anyone using this shady-ass site?? None of Us are really that desperate for yet another BDSM directory, are We?

And what about the pros who are careful about where they advertise or are known? Well, using iFet.com means that now you are ostensibly placing that power in their hands.

Another kicker? I happened to notice they had My logo on their links page. I did not authorize this. A “Bruce”, from the “admin team”, said he doesn’t know where they obtained it. Well, I do: it was stolen from My website. I know this because I have not used it anywhere else, and it’s not hotlinked; I turned that off.

Now, you may think, “But, Mistress Tissa, isn’t that a good thing? They want to help you by listing you on their site!” No. It’s a shitty, unprofessional, and illegal thing.

#1: It’s never OK to steal someone else’s content.

#2: Since one of My images is (was) on their site, does this mean they believe they are granted all the rights they claim above?

#3: The links (and listing) page is actually useless, and does not help Me or other professionals.

Truly, fellow professionals, it’s pure vanity. A huge page full of banners is nearly pointless. (As is the page which states when a Domme was added.) It only makes those who are easily-won-over feel like iFet.com has done something useful for you. It doesn’t really help people find you and book a session with you. I mean, do you really think people are going to sit there and comb through all those banners to find someone in their area? No. Just like someone isn’t going to look at hundreds of banners for restaurants all over the world when all they want to know is where they can eat in the Spokane, Washington area. Sure, people perusing the banners may get you a little exposure, but you can get that elsewhere without someone trying to steal and claim rights to everything you do on their site.

I hope that those who are currently using the site reconsider. Or, in the very least, demand they change their terms.

 

Update!

No posts for a couple weeks because I was busy with an intensive for grad school, which was immediately followed by some leisure time in Southern California. The intensive lived up to its name and so the little vacation afterward was much needed. I spent My days under cloudless, sunny skies; lying on beautiful beaches; and enjoying daily shopping — my favorite kinds of therapy.

Now, back in Philadelphia, and with a little time before the next phase of my coursework begins, I am further expanding My online presence. After hemming and hawing for a while, I decided to pay for an ad on Eros, which you can see here. (What do you think?) Hours after I submitted it, I received both an email and voicemail saying they had blocked My account because of content violations.

I knew I was playing with fire, but because I’m a rebellious Alpha, I had to push on those boundaries a little. I censored instead of removed any of Eros’s banned words that were in My ad. Well, that in combination with the way I worded some of My interests got Me thrown to the “legal services” team for review to determine whether or not I would be kicked out of the adult party or would be asked to stay and play nice. It’s all an absurd game, really, because none of this “you can’t say the word ‘sex’ or ‘anal’ or allude to…” would be a problem on a fucking ADULT site if everyone (1) stopped trying to maintain a theocracy in the “land of the free”, and (2) worked on healing their Shadow.

So, I’d like to take a moment to give a hearty fuck you to all the puritanical bastards who made/make laws that control people’s sex lives. I find it mindblowing that it is in ANY way permissible to legislate the insecurities of other people. I am completely against anyone telling Me or anyone else what W/we can and cannot do with O/our bodies. Despite My total disagreement with the law, I play by the rules because I love what I do and want to keep doing it.

Good news is that Eros was lovely about it and didn’t close My account. The supervisor I spoke with said that while he thought My ad was awesome and he hated having to ask Me to change it, I would need to to keep things kosher. So, he unlocked My account, I changed it, they approved it, and up it went earlier today — and I already have people interested in a session. So, hooray!

I’m itching to play, so I hope these inquiries prove good. Meanwhile, I have a shit-ton of reading to do in My courses! Better get to it…