Article: “The Thrilling, Messy Lives of New York’s Freelance Dominatrices”

I find most of this article problematic, but there is one part I did very much appreciate.

What I had issue with were that the examples they use of “freelance” (i.e. independent) Dominatrices are kind of odd, and ironically paint them (Us?) in an unprofessional light. The two Dommes they selected to represent New York’s independent were portrayed in a very unflattering way — one of which is running a Cyrano-de-Bergerac-esque operation. I can’t help but wonder if this was a ploy to draw business to houses by making independents look, well, “messy” —  and even dangerous.

The part I did like discusses the pathologization of kink:

The American Psychological Association defines a mental disorder as a “clinically significant behavior” associated with “present distress, disability, or a significant increased risk of suffering.” The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, a compendium of these disorders, is the text American psychologists use to diagnose patients.When the DSM was first published in 1952, it included “sexual deviation”—a category that included transvestism, pedophilia, homosexuality, fetishism, and sexual sadism. The second edition included masochism. The all-encompassing term was changed to the less-pejorative “paraphilias” in the third edition. When the fifth edition comes out in May, people who practice BDSM and feel distress about it will have a “paraphilic disorder.”This distresses the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, an advocacy group which considers DSM revision a “key project.” “We want to make sure that distress from society doesn’t mean a mental disorder,” says National Coalition of Sexual Freedom spokeswoman Susan Wright.

The DSM listed homosexuality as a sexual disorder until 1973, when extensive empirical evidence concluded that homosexuals performed no differently on psychological tests than their straight counterparts. Five different studies conducted on masochists since 1977 point to high functioning—measured by high educational level, income and occupational status—compared to the general population. Furthermore, other studies show there is no link between masochism and past abuse. Why should one atypical orientation be treated differently than another?

Charles Moser, a California researcher who asks exactly that, has emerged as the psychologist most active in advocating for BDSM’s removal from the manual. In an article co-authored with Peggy Kleinplatz this year, he wrote: “The situation of the Paraphilias at present parallels that of homosexuality in the early 1970s. Without the support or political astuteness of those who fought for the removal of homosexuality, the Paraphilias continue to be listed in the DSM.” No characteristic unifies paraphiliacs other than their sexual interests, he points out, just as no single trait is shared by all homosexuals besides same-sex attraction.

On the other hand, Richard Krueger, a Columbia University researcher who was part of the workgroup that authors the paraphilias section, is among those favoring retention. He cites people like Richard Benjamin who asphyxiate for sexual excitement: “There are people who hang themselves, and we felt universally that dying that way is very different from accidentally hanging yourself in the process of becoming sexually excited.” Indeed, a study conducted in 1972 found 50 people died each year in the United States from this practice. Thus the reasoning: Homosexuality isn’t innately dangerous; some forms of masochism are.

How dangerous is BDSM? “It is said that the most common reason for an emergency room visit in New York City on Sunday mornings is a hand laceration from cutting a bagel,” Moser says. “I can find essentially no emergency room visits related to S&M injuries in the professional literature. So if danger or injury is your criteria, then cutting a bagel is the sign of a mental disorder, and S&M is healthy.”

One thing Moser and Krueger agree on is the lack of studies on BDSM. Michael W. Wiederman’s 2003 article “Paraphilia and Fetishism,” which appeared in the Family Journal, argues that this lack of research could stem from the misconception that sexuality researchers study topics of personal relevance which makes them want to avoid taboo subjects. Meg Kaplan, a psychologist who also happens to be Krueger’s wife, says she frequently receives referrals from other doctors who are either unable or unwilling to discuss BDSM fantasies with clients.

“There’s very little money for studying typical sexual behavior, nevermind atypical sexual behavior,” Kaplan says.

[Source: http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/04/the-thrilling-messy-lives-of-new-yorks-freelance-dominatrices/274582/]

mummy m

my most recent session with Mistress Tissa started like all others with me kneeling at Her feet and explaining why i had come to visit Her on this day.  But this time it felt a little different as i had my first opportunity to practice my recently learned “slave kneeling” position with my arms properly folded behind my back and my eyes focused on the ground.   After my initial inspection, Mistress Tissa informed me that She would not be placing a collar around my neck.  It is standard operating procedure for Her to place a collar around my neck very early in O/our sessions, reminding me that i belong to Her.  To me, it does not matter, with or without the collar i know full well that i belong to Mistress Tissa during O/our sessions from beginning to end, to do with as She pleases.  This day would be no different.  Mistress Tissa then asked me if i had ever been “mummified.”  My response was, “no.”  So, it was not hard to guess that I would soon become a “mummy,” which honestly sounded like a new experience that might be fun, and it was fun.

Ever session i have ever had with Mistress Tissa has been well planned for and executed to near perfection.  Each session is unique and it is obvious (to me) that Mistress Tissa puts a lot of thought and careful planning into O/our sessions prior to my arrival at Her Temenos.  But, for the first time that i can ever remember something went awry.  The plastic wrap that She would be using to “mummify” me would not unravel efficiently from the roll.  Mistress Tissa believed that the rolls of plastic wrap may have become moist from the extreme humidity that we have been experiencing of late*.  Not to be deterred from Her plan, Mistress Tissa immediately went to Plan B.  She took out what appeared to be six inch wide ace bandages and before you know it i was wrapped from my head to my ankles in wide ace bandages and ready for whatever Mistress Tissa had in store for me.  At that point, i could not move at all.    Next a latex hood was placed over my head.  The hood only had one hole in it and that was directly over my mouth, so that i could breathe freely and speak freely.  Actually, i always know not to speak freely unless permitted to do so by Mistress Tissa.

i had never worn a latex hood, which created a new and unique experience for me.  At that point, i could not touch anything, smell anything (except the latex), or see anything, except for a small amount of light that filtered in through the latex.  Although i could still hear well and i used that sense to listen to every sound in the room and in particular every word that Mistress Tissa said as i anticipated what would happen next.  i would soon find out.

Mistress Tissaa then worked small openings into my “mummy suit” where my two nipples and penis were located.  She now had direct access to my feet, my groin area, my nipples and my mouth.  She would soon be using (and abusing) all of those body parts for her amusement.

MistressTissa_medmum

Four different “instruments of torture” were used as part of my NT, CBT, and FT (feet torture).  i am not sure if FT is an “official” BDSM term, but in my humble opinion i think it should be as Mistress Tissa uses it quite often during Her sessions, at least on me.

MistressTissa_Arc

What were the instruments of torture used my Mistress Tissa on this day?  A Wartenberg wheel, a crop, a violet wand, and a wooden cane were all used at different times creating different levels of pain and discomfort.  At one point She even demanded that i stick out my tongue so that she could shock my tongue with the violet wand, which hurt like hell!  Actually, i think TT (tongue torture) should be a BDSM term too, unless it already is one.

After She was finished with the various instruments, Mistress Tissa unwrapped me and instructed me to lie on the floor, on my back, in front of her chair.  Admittedly, this is one of my favorite positions during a session.  She then stood over me looking down at me.  i was then given the privilege of looking up at a true Goddess as She stood there looking down at me.  i have written this in some of my previous entries in Mistress Tissa’s BDSMLOG, but it seems the right time now to say it again.  Mistress Tissa is absolutely stunning.  i hope Mistress Tissa approves of me writing this, but again, absolutely stunning!

What came next was somewhat surreal.  Mistress Tissa pushed my legs apart, standing between them, looking down at me.  She then gave a somewhat “wicked smile” and proceeded to kick me in the groin, twice.  Ouch!  She then asked me to pick a number between one and ten.  A really smart person would have picked one or two, i picked seven.  Mistress again kicked me in the groin and said, “count!”  It was probably too late to ask for a do-over on the number i picked so i just began counting, “one.”  Mistress Tissa delivered another kick in the groin, followed by me saying “two.”  Another kick followed, and another, until we reached seven kicks to the groin.  When She finished, She asked me a very interesting question, “why did you pick the number seven?”

My response was, “it is a lucky number, I guess.”  Although at that moment, my crotch wasn’t feeling very lucky.

Mistress Tissa, “what else is the number seven?”

My response, “not sure, i can only think of it as being a lucky number.”

Mistress Tissa, “it is a prime number, now name them.”

My first answer was “two.”  She then kicked me again in the groin.

Mistress Tissa said, “next.”

My response, “three,” another kick.

“Five,” another kick.

“Seven,” another kick.

“Eleven,” another kick

“Thirteen,” another kick.

This continued all the way up to the prime number forty-one.  If my math is correct, i endured thirteen “prime” kicks.  I did not miss a single prime number and Mistress Tissa did not miss a single kick.   i surprised myself by getting every prime number correct, under some challenging circumstances, to say the least.  Not sure when i first learned my prime numbers, probably my junior high math class.  Although i am not sure when i first learned my prime numbers, i am sure that the person who taught them to me did not test me on my accuracy by “kicking me in the nuts” when i got the wrong answers, let alone the right answers.  Actually i am not complaining as there is no one in this world who i would rather have kick me in the nuts, than Mistress Tissa.

After i passed my math test, Mistress Tissa walked forward, placed her beautiful heels on either side of me head and sat down on my chest.  She then slid forward placing Her thighs on either side of my head, locking my head in place between them.  There are no words to describe how i felt at that moment looking up at Her.  She then told me to give Her an offering.  i began stroking myself while Mistress Tissa kept me locked between Her thighs. Several times she slapped my face somewhat hard, which did not bother me in the least, because i was still under the complete control and spell of this most amazing Goddess.

Thank You Mistress Tissa for allowing me to give You an offering, but more importantly for allowing me to be Your slave.  I am a very, very lucky slave to an amazing Goddess, and i feel truly privileged to be able to serve You.  A privilege that i do not take for granted.

MistressTissa_Gas

*The type of plastic wrap I use for mummification is compostable. I prefer using this because it’s a more ecologically responsible option. The downside is that it can sometimes be difficult to work with. slave m was very gracious with the issue I experienced in this session. I made sure to extend our time to compensate for this bump.

slave m gets restrained and lashed

As i sipped a cup of coffee at a local coffee shop only a few minutes away from my most recent session with Mistress Tissa, my mind played over and over again what might take place in a very short period of time.  As i took my last sip and departed for the session that i would soon be having with the beautiful Mistress Tissa, i somehow had come to the conclusion that i would be experiencing much pain during the session.  During my last session with Mistress Tissa, She did not inflict much pain on me and i left that session much fulfilled, but not at all sore.   i was now convinced that it would be highly unlikely that W/we would have two sessions in a row where Mistress Tissa did not try to find my threshold for pain, although  i am now totally convinced that She knows exactly where my breaking points are and will test them whenever She pleases.  i somehow knew that this session was going to be a painful one and i was completely right; this session would be filled with pain!  During O/our last session i modeled some of Her new “toys” including a body bag, feet and hand bondage gloves and more.  During this session i would be modeling something quite different for Mistress Tissa, red welts all along my back, my ass, and the backs of my thighs.

After kneeling at Her feet and again explaining to Mistress why i had come to serve Her on this day, She instructed me to climb up on Her bondage table and to lie face down.  Naturally i complied without question.  my feet were placed in bondage boots and my ankles tied together, my arms were stretched over my head and tied together.  And finally, a hood was placed over my head, limiting my sight.  It was time to prepare for what was to come, a beating from a Goddess.

MistressTissa_mercy

Mistress Tissa used various instruments of pain on me including a cane, various whips and floggers, and finally a rubber whip.  Mistress Tissa has an amazing aim and pretty much hits any spot She is aiming for.  When She whips me, She usually starts slow and then intensifies the whipping over time.  my head was somehow tied down to the bondage table so that i could not lift up my head up to see Mistress as She was whipping me.  i was completely immobilized.  Whenever Mistress is administering some type of painful exercise on me, i always try to imagine what She might look like as She is inflicting the pain on my body.  In this case, i kept imagining what Mistress might look like as She raised Her beautiful hands in the air and then brought the whips down onto my bare skin.  Once Mistress had settled on the rubber whip, the pain increased to an almost unbearable level.  At one point, Mistress checked with me to see if i was ok with marks as long as they were not visible when i was fully dressed.  my transformation to where i now allow marks on my body has been very deliberate.  When i first started seeing Mistress Tissa, i asked Her to leave no marks at all, now i am content with any marks that She leaves on me, as long as they are not permanent.  And on this day, i would be marked exactly how and where Mistress Tissa wanted me to be marked.

Lash after lash was administered on my back, my ass, and the backs of my thighs, but just as the pain increased to the point where i thought of using my “safe” word, Mistress Tissa would stop the onslaught.  She would then place Her amazing hands on the exact spot that hurt the most.  i truly believe that Mistress Tissa could heal almost anyone simply through Her touch, somewhat like a Reiki Master.  First the whip cuts through the air lashing into your skin and then She touches you in that amazing way and the pain subsides instantly.  i almost felt like i could have been whipped all day, as long as Mistress Tissa followed up the beating by touching my burning skin.

After the whipping was completed, Mistress Tissa did something to me that She had never done before.  She leaned over my body and slowly moved up and down allowing her hair to fall onto my body.  Her beautiful hair actually touched me as She walked up and down allowed me to feel the amazing sensation of her hair falling onto my back.  It felt exquisite to say the least!  Mistress Tissa called it a “hair bath.”  i would have called it a small “touch of heaven.”  After untying me, Mistress told me to climb off of the bondage table and to walk over to the mirror to look at my back.  Red welts were already starting to show on my back and my ass.  At that moment Mistress Tissa spoke the words that made it all worthwhile.  She told me that She was pleased that i took the pain for Her.  There is nothing that She could possibly have said at that moment that would have been more satisfying to hear.  I pleased Mistress Tissa!

MistressTissa_welts

Next, i was instructed to lie down on the floor on my back and keep my hands at my side.  Mistress Tissa then stood over me looking down at Her devoted slave.  i always love when She does this during a session.  i love being below her in any way and looking up at Mistress Tissa.  It is an honor to do so.  The intense power She exhibits at that very moment is incredible.  She then lifted Her heel and ran Her foot over my body, sometimes pressing down on me to cause some distress.  She then stepped onto my penis and i braced myself for the pain that i guessed would soon come.  It did not.  Finally Mistress brings her heel to my mouth and tells me to kiss the bottom of her shoe and to kiss the long heel of her shoe, to which I quickly comply.  What happens next is something that Mistress has rarely done to me.  She squats down and places my head between Her incredibly powerful thighs.  She lightly squeezes my head between Her amazing legs and looks down at me, smiling at my predicament.   When i think back to that part of O/our session with Mistress Tissa, it reminds me of the famous Lou Gehrig quote, “today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.”   At one point during O/our session, Mistress Tissa reminded me that i was a very luck slave.  Mistress Tissa is always right, but that statement on that day could not have been more right.

Next, a leash was hooked to the collar around my neck that i had worn throughout O/our session and Mistress told me to get on “all fours.”  She then proceeded to walk throughout Her Temenos pulling me behind Her like a pet dog.  i will do almost anything Mistress Tissa asks me to do (actually right now i cannot think of anything that i would not do for Her), so i was quite content crawling behind this powerful Woman as She walked throughout the room.  Periodically Mistress stopped, lifted Her heel off of the ground and told me to kiss the bottom of Her feet.   This went on for several minutes, i would have been content doing this for hours, but that is never my call.

As the session began to draw to a close, Mistress Tissa informed me that i was to kneel in front of Her.  She then instructed me to bend over and place my forehead on the floor as She would be using me as Her “ottoman.”  She then rested Her feet on my back.  Needless to say, that worked for me!

MistressTissa_ottomanm

After She was fully rested, She told me to straighten up but to stay on my knees.  i was then instructed to stroke myself, as i would be permitted to give Her “an offering” on this day.  Mistress Tissa informed me to keep stroking, but reminded me that i needed to ask permission before having an orgasm.  i always try to remember to ask permission.   In fact, i hope that i never forget to ask permission to have an orgasm when Mistress Tissa allows me to give Her an offering.  i am positive that i do not want to know the consequences of forgetting to ask permission in Her presence.  As i came close to my orgasm, i asked and was granted permission, but just as i was about to ejaculate, Mistress Tissa pulled my hand away, reminding me (without words) who controlled every part of my being.  A few drops of semen fell onto the pad below me.  Our session was now over.

It has now been a few days since my last session with Mistress Tissa.  The red welts on my back have completely faded, but the memories of my last session with a most amazing Goddess have not faded in the least.  Thank You, Mistress Tissa.