Femme Exploration

If you’re a man who is interested in exploring your “feminine” or “femme” side you may feel embarrassed or ashamed. Though it’s common to feel this way, you don’t have to. You can release the fear or shame you carry about exploring yourself as a whole human being.

Why do you feel so embarrassed or ashamed? One reason stems from the way men are socialized. Men are taught to believe that comparisons to women — whether in the tone or cadence of their voice, body shape, clothing preference, or mannerisms —  are emasculating and ultimately an indicator of their lack of authenticity and value as a man and person. In short: if you are in any way like a woman, you are defective; you aren’t “man enough”.

I’m here to tell you: none of it is true. You have been lied to.

You may feel that the entirety of the construct of “male” doesn’t apply to you. Or maybe just some of it. You may feel that you’d prefer to act or dress differently. Even if only on special occasions. You might want to have different interests and hobbies. Express your emotions freely. But you feel trapped by the expectation that’s been created for you.

Know this: the template that men are assigned to is only someone’s idea about who they think you should be. And it is likely in some way rooted in their need to control the existence of others to compensate for the fears they have about their own. The great news? You don’t need to let someone else’s fears become yours too and rule your life.

So you think you’d like to explore your femme self but you have some apprehensions. You don’t know where to start. You’re afraid you might be judged. You feel like you might not relate to what you see other men do, so you think that maybe it’s not your thing.

If you would like to explore these parts of yourself with someone you can feel safe with, I welcome you. You are free to be who you are without fear that you will be mocked or judged. In fact, I explicitly state under femme/feminization on my interests page that, unlike the typical approach to “feminization”, I don’t do any femme play as a form of humiliation. Aside from my not seeing femme as anything to be degraded for, but as one way of being beautiful and sexy, I find it antithetical to Female Dominance.

I’m highly competent with this idea we call “gender” and the way in which it can be expressed. I have spent a lot of time both working with people who have unconventional ideas about their gender or don’t feel the identity they’ve been assigned applies to them, to having done a lot of thinking about the phenomenological and epistemological aspects of identity, including gender and sexuality, and how I personally feel about and relate to them.

My awareness extends from the commonly-understood constructs of “male”, “female”, “masculine”, “feminine”, “androgynous”, etc.; to the fusion of seemingly contradictory concepts like “boydyke” or “girlfag”; to gender not actually being a real thing.

If you see how others express their “feminine” or “femme” selves and you feel alienated, it’s important to know that “femme” is a range of expression. It doesn’t have to be done in stereotypical ways or with hyperfeminine clothing, as is commonly depicted in BDSM.

This means it doesn’t have to be:

  • You assuming a female persona. That is: men can wear lingerie, be sexy, be slutty, and NOT have to become “women” to do it. You can retain your identity as a male person and wear panties, stockings, bra, makeup, eyelashes, heels, etc. (Though it’s okay if you do want to be your “female” self.)
  • Include anything pink. Love red? White? Black? Blue? Gold? Your expression of femme can be any color you like.
  • Include anything frilly, lacey, with ribbons, or otherwise “cutesy”. This is what I mean by “hyperfeminine”. It sort of like taking stereotypically girly things and turning it up to 13. The effect is you looking like a doll or child or wedding cake. Again, if you genuinely like this, wonderful, but it’s not necessarily what femme looks or feels like to everyone. (In fact, it doesn’t for the vast majority of femme/female-identified people.)
  • A “full transformation”. Though some people want to spend hours transforming their appearance from head to toe, others just want to put on lipstick or panties or heels.

Here’s some images that depict a range of femme expression by men (or at least people who were likely assigned male at birth):

Expressing yourself in a femme way also doesn’t mean:

  • You’re confused about your identity as a man
  • You’re a “sissy”
  • You’re really a woman
  • You’re gay (panties or heels don’t make you gay, they make you pretty)
  • You’re “weak”
  • You deserve ridicule

How you explore your femme side can be as lighthearted or as deep as you want it to be. It can be the entire focus of our session or it can be almost a “non-issue”, like your hair or eye color. This means your femme expression can range from highly eroticized (you sexy slut in your pretty panties and garter belt) to devoid of intentional eroticism (you’re wearing panties, sure, but this is really about me tying you down until you can’t move a muscle).

Whatever feels good, I’d love to facilitate an experience for you!

MistressTissa_PBPanties

All-inclusive Dominatrix

I WELCOME people of any:

Gender ♀♂⚧☿⚨⚭
Sexuality ⚢⚣⚤🔗🛐
Ethnicity/color 🖐🏽🖐🏿🖐🖐🏾🖐🏻
Religion 🕉✡☸☪️☯✝️☮⚛
Age (legal) 👧🏻👨🏿👵🏽👴
Body/ability 😇🤡😺👽👻♿

I have experience playing with people who are…

  • cis men, trans men, cis women, trans women, genderqueer, genderfluid, non-binary, gender non-confirming, etc.
  • hetero men, gay men, lesbians, bisexual, pansexual, queer, etc.
  • African American, Latinx, Arab, South American, African, Caucasian, Asian, etc.
  • Pagan, Buddhist, Muslim, Christian, Atheist, Jewish, Hindu
  • ages 18 to 79 (and everything between)
  • voluptuous, skinny, swimmer’s build, muscular, large, tall, short, depressed, anxious, personality “disordered”, autistic, bipolar, PTSD, etc.

You can feel safe exploring and expressing your identity and sexuality, regardless of whatever combination of the above you are.

mvb returns

mvb returned to further explore her (hungry) submission to My (bountiful) Domination.

Because mvb is so committed to the experience, it was effortless for Me to respond in kind.

I slipped into Domspace very quickly. And there I continued to flow for three hours.

Some highlights:

…carefully dressing her to My satisfaction…

….an exhilarating spanking which left Me out of breath — and mvb crying out “YES! YES! YES!”…

…delicious clit and ball torture…

mistresstissa_clitballtortu

…to her need to be dragged down, beaten, and fucked into…freedom.

mistresstissa_beaten

…and the next day, she had this to say:

Oh wow.

i’m 110% certain that i’ve never had a more exhilarating, intense, glorious, and wholly fulfilling experience in my entire life. You *get* me, and because of that, i felt this feeling of complete emotional and physical submission Yesterday that i’ve never felt before. i wasn’t necessarily scared by it. Instead, it felt like this cathartic, evolutionary thing, this almost “caterpillar-to-butterfly” feeling.

There’s a thing that happens when You touch me in any way that i can’t explain as feeling anything other than perfect. From here on out, if You’re giving, i’m accepting, lol. i’m here for all of the emotion, all of the growth, all of the little tiny explosions of endorphins that make me feel like i’m blasting deeper and deeper into my best self while in Your hands. There’s a real honesty and truth in what You do that’s really powerful in the way that i feel if i give You more of myself, then You’re going to somehow make that more of me just shine and sparkle.

i’ve spent the last 18 hours laughing out loud for minutes on end and feeling my body just spasm out of the blue in the best ways possible. i also blush at random times when i think about the idea that You literally fucked me silly. In doing that, You made a dream of mine come true.

Here’s some full disclosure that i feel really comfortable now about letting You know (though You probably already know this), lol. i’m a slut. Like, in my mind, the sluttiest of sluts. The most depraved of sluts. But, i also view this as this really empowered thing for me where i like, create safe space for myself. There’s a thing about everything involved in my own identity and submission (and how they relate and interact with each other) that for me feels like freedom and discovering a peace of mind that makes me feel whole. It’s like, the biggest and heaviest thing in my life. You make it feel lighter than air.

Honestly, i spend more time than i’m comfortable telling most anyone reading about and watching documentaries about my favorite femme fatales, then doubling down on watching really extreme transsexual and Woman-on-woman Femdom porn. Like, almost obsessively sometimes. Then, i try to find the happy place between all of these images, actions, and myself. That’s my greatest frustration these days and so much of why O/our sessions are so amazing to me. i present my body to You, and you present back to me this whole other person that You’ve like, used and abused in the best way and then put a bow on top like, “here’s who You *actually* are.” It’s so great, so liberating, and so beneficial. Like, a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders and i just feel so unencumbered in all facets of my life because of that. Thank You for all of this.

Sincerely,
mvb

You are not having 40 orgasms

You know when you hear people say they “make [their] girlfriend have 40 orgasms”? Or, “omg he made me cum a hundred times!”

Well, I have a newsflash for all of you: those are not orgasms you’re having because that is physiologically impossible.

Let’s start at the beginning. In the womb, we all begin with the “female” physical template. Different events occur to cause a body to develop “male”; hormones are one of them. From this template, we naturally have homologous body parts. “Homologous” means they have a shared point of origin.

Since these organs come from the same place in our physical development, they have similarities. Some of them are obvious, like arms and nipples, others are maybe a little less obvious, such as the clitoris and penis. If you look closely, you will notice that the clitoris resembles a tiny version of a penis (i.e. glans, “foreskin”, becomes erect). Or, really, a more correct way to look at it is that the penis is like an overgrown clitoris. (This is due to androgens that occur during development while in utero.)

Another homologous part is the outer labia and scrotum. For “female”-bodied people, the outer labia are separate; and, for “male”-bodied people, they fuse to form the scrotal sack into which the testes descend (they were ovaries before they dropped). Yes, this is why you have a line down the middle of your sack: it’s the seam from your former labia.

The point of this is: our genitals come from the same stuff and work more similarly than people tend to think. (If you want to know more, read up on the development of human reproductive organs and sexual differentiation.)

Now, because they work similarly, the orgasm that a female-bodied person has is like the one a male-bodied person has. The clitoris, like the penis, usually, but not always, needs direct stimulation in order to have one. Orgasms, regardless of one’s sex, have the same stages of excitation, plateau, climax, and resolution. The muscle contractions that occur during the “throes” are also similar and, though some argue about this, some people with a vagina ejaculate similarly to those with a penis. However, they don’t gush like they do in porn; that’s just for show. (Sorry to burst your bubble.)

So, why do people say they cum “a hundred times”? I believe it’s because they’ve actually never experienced an orgasm. I hate to say it but I think a number of women don’t actually know what one feels like. So, they are confusing those rushes of pleasure that one can get during sexual stimulation with an actual orgasm. See, it’s not uncommon for people with the clitoris/vagina combo to have difficulty achieving one, so when someone who’s never had an orgasm feels those pleasure rushes they may mistake those for climax and that’s why they think they had one hundred of them.

Orgasm is not a confusing experience. It may be confusing as to how to get there, but once you do, it’s unmistakable. The signs you’re on your way?

  • As you move closer, your heart rate and breathing increase, and your skin flushes.
  • Without manual stimulation, your nipples became more and more erect. This is true for people of all sexes — unless someone has nerve damage which may prohibit this. (This is also a good way to see that in most porn, women aren’t actually having orgasms. Look at their nipples. If they’re not erect when they’re squeaking about cumming all over the guys cock, they’re just acting.)
  • Things get juicier. The vagina’s lubricants increase. “Pre-cum” is the penis’s contribution to lubrication.
  • During climax, the vaginal muscles contract rhythmically; it feels like they grip and squeeze. Male-bodied people experience this rhythmic contraction in their penile muscles near their anal area.
  • Once it’s over? You are out of breath, probably sweating somewhere, your clit or penis becomes very sensitive to touch, your clit or penis loses its erection, and your interest in sex makes a sharp decline. You may even want to roll over and take a nap.

That said, I am quite aware that it is possible for people to be “multi-orgasmic”, but being “multi-orgasmic” is not 40 fucking orgasms. Have you ever heard a male-bodied person say they came 40 times during one instance of sex? No. And a lot of them would probably look at you funny; maybe even laugh at the idea.

Then what does “multi-orgasmic” mean? In My extensive experience, you will only need one hand to count. If you know your body well and know how to ration your sexual energy — or you just have a surplus of it — you may be able to artfully rub out like 2 to 4 in a short amount of time, but any more than that seems 99.999% impossible. (I don’t know any cis men or trans women who have shared with Me their experience with being multi-orgasmic, so I can’t say how it works for them.)

Speaking for Myself, when I’m feeling especially sexually charged, I can do about 3 in five to ten minutes before they lose nearly all of the intensity that makes them desirable and before I lose all, or nearly all, sexual interest. Normally, though, I have one. I know My body so well and know how to harness the energy and channel it, that I make it one very good one and I don’t really feel the need to have three not-as-good ones.

Of course, as with anyone’s experience, YMMV. Feel free to share how you differ, or are the same.

NB: I prefer to write from a trans-inclusive perspective so I try to separate the body type from the gender identity that goes with it. If I say “female-bodied”, I’m referring to AFAB/cis women/trans men and “male-bodied” to speak of AMAB/cis men/trans women. I realize that “female-bodied” and “male-bodied” can be problematic labels for trans men and trans women, respectively, and that trans* and gender-variant people may use different language and have different experiences. I also say “vagina” and “penis” to describe the conventional anatomical description for these body parts. I am not including the ways in which trans* and gender-variant people may use other language which is comfortable for them (e.g. manhole, boipussy, clitty, gurlcock, etc).