Mistress Tissa’s Lexicon: Boner High

Boner High: The effects in perception and judgment due to sexual arousal. This can be expressed¬†positively and¬†negatively. (For My non-English readers who aren’t aware, “boner” is a slang word for an erection.)

When someone is sexually aroused it is usually accompanied by a motivation to seek out a way to release the tension that builds from this arousal. The good thing that can come from this is that it can add fuel to a hot fantasy,¬†open minds to try new things, expand consciousness, and make for more satisfying sexual experiences. The bad thing is that people may do all sorts of stupid shit while under its influence — from the slightly embarrassing to the criminal. Lives can be and have been forever changed from impulsive behavior due to its effects.

One effect is that it tends to change the way people perceive reality. This is similar to what a drug can do. One’s focus becomes very singular: fulfillment of the “need”. Blinders go on and everything else is drowned out. There is often an rise in poor manners and judgment, feelings of entitlement, double standards, and misunderstanding, ignoring, or even violating the boundaries of others. People may say or do anything in order to satiate their need — even at their own peril.

For example, one of My policies for all new clients is that they must put a deposit down on a session. The primary reason why I, and many other Dommes, require this is because of the prevalence of Boner High. What happens is: people begin fantasizing, get aroused, want relief, contact a Dominatrix to set-up a session, and then between the time they set it up and the time it’s supposed to happen, the sexual tension becomes too unbearable and they find release. Sometimes the act of making the appointment is actually the culmination of the high, if not just talking to the Domme. Therefore, once the tension has been released, the session is no longer desired (if it ever truly was) and so they don’t show up or cancel. As professionals, we obviously can’t sustain our livelihood by allowing ourselves to be subject to the negative effects of Boner High. (I do love the positive effects, though.) Putting down money shows us you’re serious and thinking with more than your Boner. And if you’re not? Well, that’s your responsibility, not Ours.

Mistress Tissa’s Lexicon: Scene Director

Scene Director: This is the person who attempts to tell the Dominant how to run the show. They may tell Her/Him how to dress, how they should behave, what emotions to feel, what their motivation is, how and when to do an activity and for how long. The more Dominant a person is they more they hate this.

Some of you may say, “But shouldn’t I tell the Dominant what I like and don’t like?” Of course. But there is a difference between discussing your likes and limits and micromanaging your Dominant. Scene Directors tend to want to make decisions that are normally the responsibility and interest of the Dominant. They tend to completely disregard the concept of “negotiation” and self-proclaimed and/or agreed upon submission. They assume that the Dominant is merely there to follow their script, instead of the one who is supposed to direct the scene. If you’re looking to be director, and want the “Domme” to be the actress in your fantasy, you’re looking for what’s called a “service top” (i.e. not a Domme).

When encountered by a professional Dominant it is especially irksome because it shows Us that despite your interest in what We offer, you either have a lack of trust in Our ability to do it or you are simply objectifying Our role in the interaction. If you feel this way, you may wish to reflect on what’s really going on for you; or, if it’s because you’re nervous because you aren’t clear about how We may do an activity, simply ask for more time to go over things.

A Scene Director is also said to be “topping from the bottom

Mistress Tissa’s Lexicon: Wank Maid

Wank Maid: My term for women/femmes who are expected to be at the beck and call of men/butches and their hard-ons. It involves a presumption that a woman/femme’s job — whether she’s Dominant, submissive, top, bottom, switch, vanilla, kinky — is to attend to men’s/butch’s sexual needs as needed. I also use “Cock Attendant“.

Some people LIKE being wank maids/cock attendants, so it isn’t inherently pejorative.

Mistress Tissa’s Lexicon: Drive-By/Drive-Through Top

Drive-By Top or Drive-Through Top: My term for people who are at the receiving end of horny bottoms expecting “service” for immediate desire fulfillment.

Much like a person who makes a suggestive remark to someone they are driving by, hoping for their attention in the process, or enters the drive-through at a fast food joint to place an order for immediate delivery, the bottom expects people to engage with and serve their interests at their whim.

Example: Guys often send Me emails, messages on other sites (like FetLife), and tweets with things like, “Mistress, tell me how you would bend Me over your knee and spank my naughty boy bottom! Show me who’s boss!!” or “I am a dirty pig slut and want you to use and abuse me, Mistress! Make me lick your dirty shoes and eat the shit from your asshole!”

This is someone placing an “order” that they want/hope/expect/feel entitled for you to fulfill. They approach and attempt to manipulate you into playing with them. The focus is SOLELY on them and you providing the top role to their sexual needs in the immediate moment. There is no attempt to negotiate or to ask you what you would like in return.

Sometimes these people say they’re a “submissive”, but make no mistake they are bottoms — and pushy ones at that.

Drive-By Bottom or Drive-Through Bottom are the equivalents for those who receive the same treatment from pushy tops.