Finding a Professional Domme

Last Update: March 30, 2020

Since FOSTA/SESTA was signed into law in April of 2018, pro Domme directories have disappeared. With that, people have been expressing dismay about where they can find Us. I have included some information below which may be useful to you in your search.

Please note:

  • Some information on the sites included in this list is not accurate. Those listed may have moved to another city, retired, or died. Inversely, some Dommes that are active and accepting clients may not be listed on any of them.
  • Because a Domme is listed on a site does not say anything about Her skill, Her professionalism, or Her ethics. Once you find someone you’re interested in, it’s wise to do further research. Ask other people if they know anything about a Domme if you’re not sure.
  • More sites which include US Dommes may be removed or disappear altogether as time goes on. This guide will be updated as needed.

In alphabetical order (site with US Dommes are in bold):

ALL STAR FEMDOMS: This is a curated list of FemDoms courtesy of scene veteran Ms. Irene Boss. Not all professional Dommes are listed here. According to Her mission statement: “the Ladies featured in this Directory are committed to practicing their craft at the highest level.”
Summary: Though Dommes are not organized in any way, it’s worth a look.

BACKPAGE: The site was used by a variety of Dommes to advertise — especially when traveling, it seemed. It was taken down by the US government in April of 2018.
Summary: Since the owners were arrested and charged, it’s unlikely to be resurrected.

COLLARSPACE: Originally called “CollarMe”, this site features an antiquated interface that resembles more of a dating site than a professional directory. Still, some professionals have pages here.
Summary: This may be more useful for people looking for a relationship with a kinky person or for some lifestyle play (though I hear that there are quite a lot of fakes and scammers on the site, so beware).

CRAIGSLIST: A much-used “all purpose” goods and services site. It included an adult personals section that was similar to Backpage. However, around the time FOSTA/SESTA was passed, the site decided to remove the entire personals section, obviously to avoid the same fate as Backpage. Some people have tried to go around this by using other sections, or post in other countries.
Summary: No longer a reliable source. If you do use it, beware of women who claim to be pro Dommes but are difficult or impossible to verify. Some may be law enforcement trying to entrap.

DICKIE VIRGIN: A well-known site for BDSM providers and events around the world run by “Dickie” and “Dixie”, who have a genuine and longtime dedication to pro Dommes. In early 2017, they began a free classifieds section for professionals. The Dommes who utilize it often post their travels.
Summary: A great source. Listings need to be approved, which is helpful to cut down on scammers. Since I don’t know how much they vet those who post ads, a possible fake could be listed. Make sure to cross reference.

DOMINA.MS: Includes a directory and a bulletin-board-style, moderated forum called “The Buzz”.
Summary: Though traffic isn’t high, a potential source.

DOMINA GUIDE: A global directory of professional Dommes since 2005. As of now, US Dommes are still included.
Summary: No word on if the site owner plans on removing US listings, but good for now.

EROS: A long-standing and popular site, due to its attractive interface and excellent customer service, that requires payment to be listed and will accept an ID to mark a Domme as “Eros Verified”. Unfortunately, it’s become increasingly difficult to use. The most recent issue is they no longer allow providers to include their websites in their ads. Several users around the country have reported that that they cannot get a listing published, their ads are being censored or flat-out removed, are unable to get their payments to successfully process (resulting in ads expiring and disappearing), and cannot get anyone to answer the phone or reply to emails. Some have expressed concern that since Eros’s call center was raided in November of 2017 that they may have been compromised by the US government and is tracking users. Some have also said they believe that law enforcement as creating fake listing to entrap users. It’s difficult to verify this, but it might be wise to exercise caution with this site.
Summary: Due to widespread difficulties with listings and service, and suspicions that it may not be run by or in cahoots with “authorities” some Dommes have stopped using it and therefore it’s no longer as reliable of a source at it once was. Still worth a look, but know that some pro Dommes that were once on the site may no longer be listed.

FEMME FATALE DIRECTORY: Updated and it is now “Femme Fatale Films”. Presumably a list of Dommes who identify as Femme Fatales. Some US Dommes are included. It appears that to be listed you must have a clip, which appears exclusive to the site. Membership is required to view them. Listings tend to include the Domme’s personal website. While it has some nice features, it’s overall not terribly developed and thus not easy to use. (This may be why there’s not a lot of Dommes listed here.) When I was exploring it, the map and search functions would not work.
Summary: The site still provides a selection of Dommes but now includes clips of those Dommes which can be viewed with a membership. See if it works for you. You might find the Femme Fatale you’re looking for.

FETLIFE: Fetlife describes itself as “Like Facebook, but run by kinksters”. Launched in 2008, it’s free to join and allows users to create personal profiles and participate in forums about a wide range of topics. Though you can use the site’s search function to look for people, it is intentionally not set up to make this easy. This is to discourage a “meat market” feel. Instead, you can use keywords, such as “pro domme”, to search for groups and look for Dommes that way.
Summary: Not a quick way to find Dommes, but may be useful for those who would like to find a more “lifestyle”, community feel in their search, and possibly some interaction with Dommes in forums before booking. Note: Though pro Dommes are allowed on the site, any discussion of what FetLife defines as “sex acts” (one being strap-on) in exchange for payment or goods can get you banned.

HOGSPY: An international directory and news source for professional Dommes. Payment is required to be included on the site. (Providing images without a watermark is also a requirement, which is a deal-breaker for some.) As of now, US Dommes are still included.
Summary: Limited selection, but worth a look. They do announce tours for the Dommes listed on their site.

MAX FISCH: A well-known Domme directory that has been around since the late 90s, I believe. Unfortunately, it’s been abandoned by its owner and hasn’t been updated since March of 2015. The bulletin-board-style forum “The Hang” is still used by some people, though it is unmoderated. You can still register an account if you’d like to ask questions about a Domme of interest. Reviews are posted.
Summary: Don’t rely on the directory to be accurate, but you can check the forum for info.

MISTRESS ELITE: A UK-centered site that includes a small selection of US Dommes. I found this site difficult to use. Very glitchy and went down while I was searching.
Summary: Give it a go, if you’d like, but you can probably find what you’re looking for elsewhere.

MISTRESS GUIDE: This is an international guide has been around since 2009. I believe it is based in Germany. US Dommes are still listed here. Fairly easy to navigate, but the presentation relies heavily on animated banners to advertise Dommes.
Summary: Covers many countries. Worth a look.

MISTRESS REVIEW: An international index which has been recently updated. Very nice interface. Unlike other directories, it allows users to leave reviews for Dommes directly on their pages.
Summary: Worth a look.

THE MISTRESS WEB: A site with a more modern interface and various “bells and whistles”. It allows you to search for a Domme based on location (including clicking on a map), physical characteristics, and interests. You can also register an account and keep a “Mistress Black Book”. Seems to have some useful functions, but I’m not sure how widely used the site is. Dommes are required to pay to be listed beyond a brief trial period. Includes a small selection of US Dommes.
Summary: Worth a look to see if it’s features are useful to you.

OPEN ADULT DIRECTORY: A long-time, global source for professional Dominas. Unfortunately, they no longer list anyone in the US. Useful but a very dated, 1990s-era interface of text-based links.
Summary: No longer can find US-based Dommes, but still useful for other countries.

PANDEMOS: An international directory “dedicated to the superior female since 2002”. US Dommes are still included.
Summary: Recently updated with a new and improved interface.

PRO DOMME: Light on the listings. According to its Twitter account, the site is going bye-bye.
Summary: Skip. No longer active.

SERIOUS MISTRESSES: An international directory of Mistresses. US Dommes are still listed here, but some of the listings are outdated. Interface is mostly text-based links.
Summary: Worth a look, but make sure you check to see if the listing is accurate.

SWITTER: A newer social media platform specifically for sex workers, which was set up off-shore specifically to circumvent potential legal issues. Though still in it’s early stages, it functions similarly to Twitter. You can search for Dommes in their listings section or by hashtag, e.g. #losangelesdominatrix. Their interface seems to keep improving. Very nice.
Summary: In a worst-case scenario where FOSTA/SESTA is strictly enforced and all these sites remove US listings or are taken down, this could become a good — and necessary — place to find Dommes.

TWITTER: A massive social media platform which has been criticized for censoring people in the adult industry with “shadowbanning” and account suspensions. Still, it’s used by most professionals. You can search for Dommes by name or by hashtag, e.g. #disciplinarian or #bondagemistress. (If someone is shadowbanned, you will not see them in your searches. Try finding Dommes through promotional accounts such as Oostwalum and terry.)
Summary: Since there’s quite a lot of pros who regularly use this site, it’s worth a look.

UNDER HER HEEL: While there are quite a lot of Dommes listed here, I found many who had long retired or who passed away.
Summary: Skip. There are more up-to-date directories. No longer active.

YOUR DOMINATRIX: A very sparse site. No longer lists US Dommes.
Summary: Not terribly useful. Skip this one. No longer active.

So, you’ve looked at all these directories and you still haven’t found what you’re looking for? Try using a search engine!

Use keywords like “Dominatrix” or “Mistress” and the city you’re looking for, e.g. “Tampa Mistress“. If you get too many hits, narrow it down further with a variety of keywords that pertain to your interests, e.g. “Tampa Disciplinarian” or “Tampa Mommy ABDL“. No one coming up for your interest(s) in your preferred city? Are you willing to travel? Trying searching a city that you’re willing to go to, such as: “Sarasota Disciplinarian” or “Orlando Mommy ABDL” or even “Florida Mistress“, as some people may enjoy the activities you are looking for but they may not be easily searchable or listed on their site.

Whatever you come up with, check to see if that Domme has a website, a social media presence, and reviews or testimonials. If she has none of those things, be very careful when booking a session with Her.

Good luck!

(Disclaimer: This list is provided for information purposes only and should not be seen as “promotion” or “facilitation” of “prostitution” or “trafficking” any more than the phone book is promoting its content.)

What does it mean to cancel same-day?

One of the banes of a Dominatrix’s existence is when people cancel their session the same day it’s to occur. The reason We loathe it is because it’s guaranteed to cost Us and mess things up. Sometimes in more ways than people may have ever considered.

You may not be aware of this, but sessions can involve quite a lot of preparation. In fact, it’s common that the time it takes Us to prepare for a session is greater than the length of the session itself. This means that when you make an appointment, We are agreeing to “front” you a lot of work with the expectation you will show up.

The is not unique to Dominatrices. Other professionals may spend a lot of time preparing for your “event”. Take attorneys and caterers, for example. You ask a lawyer to represent you in a case or a caterer to make the food for a private party. The lawyer must spend time learning everything about your situation, may do research, fill out and file paperwork, and prepare media, cross-examinations, negotiations, and more, to facilitate and increase the chance of your desired outcome. The caterer spends time discussing your needs, comes up with a custom menu, buys all the ingredients, prepares everything from scratch, stores it until needed, brings it to you, and attractively presents everything for your guests.

Now, imagine you decide on the day of the case or party that you want to cancel. All this work done to prepare for you is now being abandoned. When realizing they will have nothing to show for their work (more accurately, they will be at a loss), you will have a very angry lawyer and caterer on your hands. This is precisely why most professionals ask for a retainer or deposit. What kind of deposit they ask for depends on you, what you’re asking for, and what that professional knows about patterns of behavior and the risks in their own line of work.

What kind of work do We do before your event? To help others gain some insight, here are some of the things We Dominatrices may do to prepare for Our clients:

  • Haircut, hairstyling and/or dye
  • Manicure and/or pedicure
  • Foot spa treatment (foot fetishists usually prefer soft feet and this takes effort to maintain)
  • Facial
  • Waxing
  • Workouts
  • Makeup
  • Taking time off from another job, which might entail using vacation or sick time
  • Booking a dungeon or hotel room
  • Checking your reference(s), with multiple emails and/or phone calls
  • Buying something special for your appointment, such as wardrobe, shoes, food, drink, toys, etc.
  • Checking that equipment is safe and in good working order
  • Disinfecting and sterilizing equipment
  • Preparing the session, which can involve not only planning activities but the emotional and physical preparation related to them (for some sessions, this can take days)
  • Arranging for a security person to be present or accompany Us
  • Arranging for spouses/significant others/family to be out of the house
  • Hiring a babysitter
  • Hiring domestic services or coordinating a slave to clean Our house and/or dungeon for your arrival
  • Sequestering pets away
  • Stocking the bathroom shower with towels and toiletries, if needed
  • Turning down other clients who are asking for the same time slot
  • and more

Whether it’s labor, material goods, or money, Dommes invest in your session before you even arrive. So, when you decide not to show up? You literally cost Us. This is why many of Us have cancellation policies which reflect Our expectation that you follow through in the same way in which you are expecting Us.

Afraid to commit because you’re a commitment-phobe? Hey, that’s life for some people. Unfortunately, this will limit your options with Dominatrices. We commit to Our clients every day. Do you think We don’t have days where We really just don’t feel like sessioning and would rather be in a pajamas instead of latex and trade in Our stilettos for fuzzy slippers? It happens to all of Us. We still show up. So, if you can’t reciprocate, then We just may not be a good fit for you.

Or maybe you’re type who prefers to do these kinds of things when you get that emotional “hard-on”? I get it. I prefer having a boner for sessions, too. But the truth is: you don’t need to be under the influence of a Boner High to enjoy your session. In fact, waiting for that magic moment can bring trouble.

The problem is that the boner is a fickle little lad (or lassie). If you lose that boner between the point you ask for the session and the actual session, you will believe that you no longer want to session. You will then feel an impulse to cancel. If you let your boner make this decision, it will not consider how this affects the Domme and whatever financial, material, mental, and emotional resources She invested into preparing for your session. This will cause serious problems for you and those depending on you. This is when you may lose your deposit and be asked to pay tributes. (Just like the lawyer or caterer, work was done and resources used.)

And the people who are chronic cancelers? They develop a reputation as a flake. Flakes tend to get blacklisted. Blacklisted people don’t get to play with the pros. And you really do want to play with the pros — especially if you require a no-strings, confidential experience.

All this said, We know that sometimes you truly must cancel same day. As much as We wish it wouldn’t happen, We understand and accept that it’s a part of life. We just ask that you respect Us by adhering to the cancellation policies We have created in order to minimize the impact you may have on Us. Without minimizing this impact, We will suffer a significant financial and emotional toll. If the toll becomes too great, you lose Dominatrices.

So, please make good on your word. Making appointments is an extension of trust. You put your trust in Us, and We put Our trust in you. When you commit to a session, please follow through on that commitment. If you are not sure you are ready to commit, no problem; just wait until you are. Be courteous and responsible. We appreciate it. We appreciate you. Thank you.

The Judgmental BDSM Professional

Have you ever had someone shame you about your identity or sexuality?

Feels horrible, doesn’t it?

Have you ever had a Domme or Mistress do it?

If you’re a genuinely submissive person, it can be especially damaging — possibly pushing you out of the BDSM community altogether.

I have seen Dominants, Mistresses, and Masters judge others because of their identity and sexuality — including their kinks. When I see this, I find it enraging — especially when that person is a professional.

When one makes eroticism their livelihood, one would think that person has achieved a certain level of security and maturity in that area. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. Some people’s insecurities very clearly bleed into their work.

I have seen some BDSM professionals mock, ridicule, and shame people because of the (consensual) things they enjoy. I have come across attitudes and remarks which are homophobic, transphobic, fatphobic, ageist, ableist, and more. I have seen professionals make remarks about not doing “gay stuff” or not liking “trannies” (this is different than saying you don’t offer forced bi or feminization). I read a group of Mistresses (some, at least, who were or had been professional) mock a submissive’s desire to call his anatomy a “clitty”, calling it “ridiculous” and “infantile” and his being hurt by this as being “too sensitive” (a tactic used by abusive people). I have seen a few Pro Dommes call sexually liberated women “sluts” (and not in the good way).

Would you want to have a scene with a person like this?

If you’ve ever been shamed about your identity or sexuality by a Dominant — or anyone, for that matter — you do not have to accept it. You can speak up. Contrary to what some believe, dominating someone does not mean you are (nonconsensually) cruel. In fact, that’s a red flag.

And if that person is a professional? They should be held to an even higher standard. One should exemplify security and acceptance in this area. If one can’t respect the identity and sexuality of others — even if they themselves don’t understand or practice them — then how exactly do they expect people to trust them and feel understood and safe?