Changes to COVID protocol

After much reading and consideration, I’m going to begin the slow phase out of the masking protocol. This decision is in part due to our governor, here in PA, announcing that our mask mandate will likely be modified or dropped in January.

For the time being, the option to remove your mask during our session will be offered to select clients. Specifically those with whom I’ve developed trusting relationships and still practice good safety measures around others. As a result, some types of play that have been in moratorium will be offered to these people:

  • hoods
  • gags
  • CEI & consumption

Activities which may be offered:

  • spit play
  • my putting my heels/boots or feet in your mouth
  • other instances in which your mouth is exposed

Still not offered yet:

  • vacbed
  • multi-person sessions (couples in the same household are exempt)
  • domestic fetish or service

If you would still prefer that you and/or I wear masks during our session indicate this when you request a scene. Also, if you would like to schedule your time to minimize possible exposure, let me know that, too. I will do my best to accommodate your needs.

As usual, if you feel ANY symptoms in the 2 weeks prior or after of time together, let me know.

Six- and Eight-Hour Sessions

I thought I’d explain how my longer sessions work, in greater detail than is elsewhere on my site.

My in-person sessions begin at one-hour in length and go up to eight hours. I currently do not offer any more than an eight-hour session.

My six and eight-hour sessions both include a two-hour break for us to dine together. Meaning, a six-hour session is four hours of play and a two-hour meal break, and an eight-hour session is six hours of play and a two-hour meal break. In both instances, you will graciously cover the costs of our meal and any necessary transportation to and from the restaurant. Accounting for any need you may have, I usually choose the restaurant, but am open to your recommendations. The only criterion I have is that it suitably accommodates a meatless diet.

Dining with me can range from causal to a light M/s dynamic. This means we can simply take a break from play and enjoy a meal and each other’s company without any kinky elements present or we can include power exchange and some play. What kind of play is something you and I will negotiate, but is generally on the lighter side and will certainly not be something that will risk arrest or being removed from the premises.

Ordering in and dining my home is possible but at my discretion. Meal costs are still covered by you and the break is still two hours. If you would prefer this please ask for this option when requesting time with me and I will let you know if I will allow it.

For those who would like six or eight hours of play and do not wish to dine together, I recommend booking either two sessions on the same day or consecutive days. The reason you need to book two sessions is because I don’t conduct scenes that run longer than four hours in length. After four consecutive hours of play I need a break! If not to eat something, to just rest my mind and body for a little bit.

What would booking two sessions look like?

If, for example, you wanted six hours of play, you could book a four hour session and a two hour session; or two, 3-hour sessions. These sessions need to have at least a two-hour break between them.

If you wanted eight hours of play, you would need to book two, 4-hour sessions. This would need to occur on consecutive days as my style is such that 8 hours of play in one day is too taxing for me. (I recommend you staying overnight at a hotel between each session. There can be some fun possibilities with this option.)

At the conclusion of one session, we would part and have our break separately. After our break, I would welcome you back and we would continue with the second.

Each scene can be related to one another thematically or be completely different. When applicable, I will make my recommendations about the length of each and in what order they would best occur.

Tribute is for two scenes. There is no additional discount on top of the discount I already offer for multiple hours.

If you have questions, please feel free to send me an email.

Change to Protocol: “Regulars”

As of the first of the year, I changed how I define a “regular” for the purposes of free session time during one’s birthday week.

Old definition: Someone with whom I have had at least four scenes in the twelve months prior OR three scenes in the six months prior to their birthday.

New definition: Someone with whom I have had at least six scenes in the twelve months prior to their birthday.

Unchanged: The amount of time you receive is commensurate with the length of the scenes you book. This means the person who books six or more, 1-hour scenes receives a smaller gift than the person who books six or more, 4-hour scenes. The scenes included in the tally do not include the scene in which they received free play time.

If I do not know your birthday, please tell me. If I forget to offer you your free play time, please just ask. I may have just forgotten!

30-minute sessions – Updated September 2018

I’ve had some requests for half-hour sessions since the update a month ago and they haven’t worked out. People aren’t reading my instructions and are being too particular about when they want their 30 minutes. I try to follow-up to schedule and I get more “I can’t do that” or “how about [some day I’ve already explained doesn’t work]?” It’s a hassle I don’t want to be bothered with. So, I give up.

If you would like to have a scene with Me, you will have to book at least an hour of My time. What if you only need 30 minutes play? We can play for thirty and spend the rest talking, if you’d like. Or you can leave. Your choice.

 

I’m no longer offering them on designated dates. Why?

  1. Very few people ask for 30 minute to begin with, so there’s not a lot of demand to justify the planning.
  2. 90% of those few who ask for 30-minutes don’t follow directions and ask to book on other dates. I either ignore these people or try to coordinate a time with them which usually has no pay-off (i.e. they abandon the scene).
  3. For the other 10%, I may still end up doing the very thing I’m trying to avoid: having dates where I may only have a 30-minute session scheduled. Because the work that goes into prep and clean-up is difficult to justify for one, 30-minute session, I must find another solution. This is significantly lessened by coordinating around other sessions. Because session scheduling is a dynamic process, it makes this a potentially time consuming endeavor. Still, I am willing to see if I can make it work.

Here’s My last try at accommodating the rare 30-minute client.

What to do if you would like a 30-minute session:

  1. Apply for a session as usual. Indicate you are looking for 30 minutes. Some flexibility is required. If you can session during any of My working hours — Monday through Sunday, noon to midnight — include this in your app. If you can only session on Wednesdays between 1:00 and 1:30pm, say so.
  2. If I’m interested in your scene, I will get back to you to schedule a time to speak about it. If we decide to session, I’ll provide you with some proposed day(s) and time(s) and you can choose. If none of those dates work for you, you will go on a list for 30 minutes. I will send out an email when I have more dates. If, once again, none of those work for you, then I’m afraid you will be removed from the list and I won’t be able to consider you.
  3. My tribute for 30 minutes is $160. The deposit is $100 for all first-time clients with references. If you have no references, you must pay for the entire session up-front and it must be made at least a week in advance of your session.
  4. If I determine your request(s) are too involved for 30 minutes, either accept My suggestions to omit an element(s) or prepare for a no.
  5. Because of the short amount of time, a shower will not be available before or after our session.
  6. I do not offer 30-minute outcalls, unless it’s at a play party I’m already planning on attending.
  7. All other protocol is the same.

Available activities:

  • Simple fetishes: stockings/pantyhose, fishnet, vinyl, latex*, JOI, CEI, “faggot” (No kissing/licking/groping of Me is inferred.)
  • Foot Domination: This may not necessarily be the same as your idea of “foot worship”, so please read My description of it.
  • Shoe/Boot Domination: See My post about retifism for information on the kinds of shoes and boots I have.
  • Humiliation/Degradation: verbal abuse, facial abuse, inspections, body writing, objectification, ownership, small penis, spitting
  • Impact play/corporal punishment/discipline/behavior modification: bare-handed and OTK spanking, wooden spoon, hairbrush, paddling, crops, straps, flogging, caning, bastinado, whipping (This can be as a fetish, power exchange, and/or light role play.)

In most cases, we will only have time for one activity. I may consider more than one element or something else from My interests if they make sense and/or can be incorporated into the above activities easily.

*Requests for latex depend on scheduling.

(N.B. This post may be updated as needed. Check it for any changes before requesting a session.)

What does it mean to cancel same-day?

One of the banes of a Dominatrix’s existence is when people cancel their session the same day it’s to occur. The reason We loathe it is because it’s guaranteed to cost Us and mess things up. Sometimes in more ways than people may have ever considered.

You may not be aware of this, but sessions can involve quite a lot of preparation. In fact, it’s common that the time it takes Us to prepare for a session is greater than the length of the session itself. This means that when you make an appointment, We are agreeing to “front” you a lot of work with the expectation you will show up.

The is not unique to Dominatrices. Other professionals may spend a lot of time preparing for your “event”. Take attorneys and caterers, for example. You ask a lawyer to represent you in a case or a caterer to make the food for a private party. The lawyer must spend time learning everything about your situation, may do research, fill out and file paperwork, and prepare media, cross-examinations, negotiations, and more, to facilitate and increase the chance of your desired outcome. The caterer spends time discussing your needs, comes up with a custom menu, buys all the ingredients, prepares everything from scratch, stores it until needed, brings it to you, and attractively presents everything for your guests.

Now, imagine you decide on the day of the case or party that you want to cancel. All this work done to prepare for you is now being abandoned. When realizing they will have nothing to show for their work (more accurately, they will be at a loss), you will have a very angry lawyer and caterer on your hands. This is precisely why most professionals ask for a retainer or deposit. What kind of deposit they ask for depends on you, what you’re asking for, and what that professional knows about patterns of behavior and the risks in their own line of work.

What kind of work do We do before your event? To help others gain some insight, here are some of the things We Dominatrices may do to prepare for Our clients:

  • Haircut, hairstyling and/or dye
  • Manicure and/or pedicure
  • Foot spa treatment (foot fetishists usually prefer soft feet and this takes effort to maintain)
  • Facial
  • Waxing
  • Workouts
  • Makeup
  • Taking time off from another job, which might entail using vacation or sick time
  • Booking a dungeon or hotel room
  • Checking your reference(s), with multiple emails and/or phone calls
  • Buying something special for your appointment, such as wardrobe, shoes, food, drink, toys, etc.
  • Checking that equipment is safe and in good working order
  • Disinfecting and sterilizing equipment
  • Preparing the session, which can involve not only planning activities but the emotional and physical preparation related to them (for some sessions, this can take days)
  • Arranging for a security person to be present or accompany Us
  • Arranging for spouses/significant others/family to be out of the house
  • Hiring a babysitter
  • Hiring domestic services or coordinating a slave to clean Our house and/or dungeon for your arrival
  • Sequestering pets away
  • Stocking the bathroom shower with towels and toiletries, if needed
  • Turning down other clients who are asking for the same time slot
  • and more

Whether it’s labor, material goods, or money, Dommes invest in your session before you even arrive. So, when you decide not to show up? You literally cost Us. This is why many of Us have cancellation policies which reflect Our expectation that you follow through in the same way in which you are expecting Us.

Afraid to commit because you’re a commitment-phobe? Hey, that’s life for some people. Unfortunately, this will limit your options with Dominatrices. We commit to Our clients every day. Do you think We don’t have days where We really just don’t feel like sessioning and would rather be in a pajamas instead of latex and trade in Our stilettos for fuzzy slippers? It happens to all of Us. We still show up. So, if you can’t reciprocate, then We just may not be a good fit for you.

Or maybe you’re type who prefers to do these kinds of things when you get that emotional “hard-on”? I get it. I prefer having a boner for sessions, too. But the truth is: you don’t need to be under the influence of a Boner High to enjoy your session. In fact, waiting for that magic moment can bring trouble.

The problem is that the boner is a fickle little lad (or lassie). If you lose that boner between the point you ask for the session and the actual session, you will believe that you no longer want to session. You will then feel an impulse to cancel. If you let your boner make this decision, it will not consider how this affects the Domme and whatever financial, material, mental, and emotional resources She invested into preparing for your session. This will cause serious problems for you and those depending on you. This is when you may lose your deposit and be asked to pay tributes. (Just like the lawyer or caterer, work was done and resources used.)

And the people who are chronic cancelers? They develop a reputation as a flake. Flakes tend to get blacklisted. Blacklisted people don’t get to play with the pros. And you really do want to play with the pros — especially if you require a no-strings, confidential experience.

All this said, We know that sometimes you truly must cancel same day. As much as We wish it wouldn’t happen, We understand and accept that it’s a part of life. We just ask that you respect Us by adhering to the cancellation policies We have created in order to minimize the impact you may have on Us. Without minimizing this impact, We will suffer a significant financial and emotional toll. If the toll becomes too great, you lose Dominatrices.

So, please make good on your word. Making appointments is an extension of trust. You put your trust in Us, and We put Our trust in you. When you commit to a session, please follow through on that commitment. If you are not sure you are ready to commit, no problem; just wait until you are. Be courteous and responsible. We appreciate it. We appreciate you. Thank you.

Same-day sessions: what they are and when I may consider them

As I state on My protocol and contact pages, I don’t accept requests for “same day” sessions. Despite My making this clear right next to where I ask what date(s) someone is  interested in, I still receive requests for same day.

Since people continue to ask anyway, I assume this is because of one of two reasons:

  1. They do not understand what “same day” means.
  2. They think I’m not serious about the things I say and are ignoring Me.

Let Me address each of them.

1. If you ask for a session and it’s less than 24 hours from your requested session time, this is SAME DAY. This means if you are submitting an application at 11pm at night and want to session the next day at 3pm, that is less than 24 hours and therefore a same day request. It is not determined by your having asked before you or I go to bed, it is determined by clock hours.

2. I am serious. I am not looking to be ignored, challenged, or to be asked to make exceptions. I am looking for you to respect My approach to My craft, My boundaries, and to plan ahead just a little bit more.

Worried you won’t be feelin’ it on the day of your session? Unless you have a serious mood or anxiety disorder, which can make planning ahead difficult, I feel pretty confident that even if you don’t feel in the mood at the time of your appointment, once you are in My dungeon with Me, and I begin talking, you will very quickly will be.

So, Mistress, you never, ever consider same-day requests?

The ONLY time I’m willing to consider a same-day request is if you’re already a client. This means I’ve already sessioned with you at least once. If I have never sessioned with you, you are not yet a client.

If you are an existing client and would like to see if you can work a session in, please understand that I cannot guarantee I’ll be able to make it happen. I tend to schedule other appointments, errands, administrative work, family, friends, etc. around My sessions. So, it’s possible that My schedule just won’t be able to fit you in.

Things to know if you’re an existing client and you think you might like to ask:

  1. I am not usually available in the mornings. This means it is very unlikely I will get your 8am email asking for a noon session at the time you send it. In fact, I may not get it until after noon. Still, please feel free to try.
  2. Once I do receive your email, I need at least three hours to prepare. So, if you email at 9am, I get it at 1pm, the earliest I may be able to see you is 4pm.
  3. As applies to everyone, please do not ask for a session same-day and then cancel it. Unless you’re absolutely sure you can make it, do not book. Same-day cancellations often incur financial losses for Us, which We reasonably ask you to cover.

Mistress, why don’t you accept requests for same-day from people who are not yet clients?

If you’re already a client, it means you’ve been vetted. Being vetted means that you and I have completed the necessary process to ensure you’re trustworthy, reliable, and safe to play with. This can include: a phone consultation (this is mandatory for everyone), checking your references, getting a first-session deposit, etc. If you’re not yet a client, I have to do this before I’ll agree to invite you into My dungeon.

Often this process takes one or more days. If you ask Me to session in three-, eight-, or even twelve-hours’ time, this means I do not have the time needed to complete it. If I have not completed it, I will not be able to session with you until I do. Twenty-four hours is usually the minimum time needed to do everything I need to do to prepare for our session.

No, I don’t ever like to rush this. It’s not safe for Me and it’s not safe for My clients. If I don’t properly check that everyone is safe to play with, it can compromise the integrity of My practice. So–DO NOT ASK!

Mistress, why do other Dommes offer same-day?

Some Dommes work at houses. Houses operate differently than Us independent Dommes. Houses include multiple Dommes who work shifts. This increases the chance that someone will be available to see you on short notice. Because house Dommes are there and ready, in many ways They are already prepared for a session. Independents, on the other hand, are the singular Domme you are contacting and are by appointment. This decreases the chance that We will be available short notice and means We can’t pass you off to another Domme if We’re not. Since We’re not working shifts, We tend to structure our days differently. We also may prepare for Our sessions differently.

Also, houses often have different vetting procedures. Some may not require references. That can take having to waiting for verification out of the picture. (And, no, this does NOT mean you are safer and will have a more discreet experience.)

Once in a while you may see an independent Domme offer same-day availability. It’s possible that She is making shifts and getting Herself ready ahead of time in case a client would like to session. It’s also possible She does not have as stringent of vetting procedures as other Dommes. This can be helpful if you’re looking to see an independent on short notice, but it can also be at both your and Her risk.

Policy change: deposits

Due to an increase in same-day cancellations, effective immediately, new clients without satisfactory professional references who are booking sessions 1 hour or greater will be required to pay a 50% deposit. Clients with excellent professional references will be allowed to pay My standard deposit. (30 minute sessions have their own protocol.)

The reason for this change is of the people who cancel same-day nearly all of them are inexperienced and/or without references. My belief is they do not understand when we agree to session, we are both committing to that session; and just like they expect Me to follow through, I expect them to follow through as well.

When someone cancels on the day of the session it causes Us problems. If these cancellations occur consecutively, the problems increase. While I absolutely welcome new players, I cannot sustain My livelihood by not safeguarding Myself against the these patterns of behavior.

As usual, the deposit is always applied to your tribute in full. This means if you are asked to pay a $125 deposit, all $125 goes toward the total tribute. This policy change does NOT ask you to pay more overall; only put down more to confirm.

My protocol around cancellations and rescheduling remains the same.

THANK YOU to all the clients who follow through on your commitments. You are very much appreciated.

Update: Resuming a 7-day availability

I am once again offering sessions seven days a week.

Originally, I offered it until the demands of grad school made it too stressful. I needed to have a couple days a week where I focused on My coursework.

This is no longer an issue, so I can now accommodate those who would prefer or need to session on a Sunday or Monday.

A few things:

  • My available hours are the same: noon to midnight.
  • At least a 24-hour notice from new clients is still required.
  • Same-day requests are allowed by clients in good standing, but never guaranteed.
  • Always check My schedule for availability before requesting a session.
  • All other protocol still applies.

Sharing Your Interests Versus Giving a Script

Periodically, when someone requests a session with Me they will give Me a detailed description of exactly how they expect Me to run it. I immediately feel objectified and angry. I feel like they don’t trust My knowledge, My skills, My reputation, and the unique qualities that make Me Me. They are ostensibly seeking a puppet in the show they have written. This is what I call “scripting”.

A script is any detailed instruction about dress, thought/feeling, and/or dialogue. Much like you’d see for a play or movie. It’s purpose is to tell the person how to embody and perform their role. If someone is an actor, for example, this is useful and necessary for them to understand their character, motivation, and the words needed to tell the story. However, not everyone is an “actor” and so these types of instructions are not always appropriate or welcome and therefore may be “off limits”.

In kink culture the term we use to describe something that is off limits is “hard limit”. A hard limit is a boundary that is not to be crossed. If someone says that being whipped with a single tail is a hard limit, guess what? I never whip them with a single tail. I don’t even ask if I can.

Scripts are a hard limit for Me. This means that scripts are a boundary not to be crossed. No, it is not OK to say, “I know you don’t like scripts, Mistress, but can I send one anyway?” A hard limit is a NO. I do not have any interest in someone — usually someone I do not know — telling Me precisely how they want Me to dress, think, and speak. This approach feels like you’re trying to Dominate Me. I’m here to offer My Domination to you, not be subjected to yours.

As a Dominatrix, My role is not to merely be an actor in our scene, My role is to direct it. You do not come to Me to tell Me how to dress, feel, and behave in the same way you do not ask an interior designer to decorate your house and then you tell them — in detail — the way you want each room to look.

Why is this a problem? When you come to Dominatrix (any erotic professional, really) and try to tell Her how to BE, you are ostensibly stripping Her of what makes Her HER in order for Her to be your fantasy of what you want Her to be. This is called “objectification”.

Now, that said,”objectification” is not necessarily a heinous thing. It can be harmless and fun. People commonly objectify others in their personal fantasies. If you’re just jacking off to some fantasy in your head, hey, that’s the privacy of your own mind, but as soon as you take it out of your head and want to turn it into an interaction, it needs to be consensual.

While there are some erotic professionals who are willing to allow a certain level of objectification and take “script”-like requests, such as embodying a fantasy person of your imagination or following a story-line you’ve created, make sure that the person welcomes this before you ask. Do not make assumptions. Do NOT make the mistake of thinking: Woman + erotic play = someone who will be my dress-up doll and I can mold into my plaything. Like Our clients, We have individual personalities, likes, dislikes, and strengths. When you select someone, the point is not just because you like the way She looks, but because She seems like the kind of person you want to have an experience with.

If you’re still confused, here are some examples of scripts:

Script_ex1

Another:

Script_ex2

For clarity, here’s a comparison:

Sharing a script: “Come through the door with a evil look on your face and then come over to me and slap Me in the face before you shove me to the ground and tell me that I’m your worthless dog.”

Sharing interests: “I like the idea of being your pet but being humiliated by you. Maybe punished because I’m not good enough for you.”

Is the difference clear?

In the first, the person is telling Me how to perform and directing Me. In the second, they are just telling Me what they like without telling Me how to do it.

Again, you don’t tell the interior designer how to design; that’s their job.

You don’t need to tell Me how to be a Dominatrix; that’s My job.

All-inclusive Dominatrix

I WELCOME people of any:

Gender ♀♂⚧☿⚨⚭
Sexuality ⚢⚣⚤🔗🛐
Ethnicity/color 🖐🏽🖐🏿🖐🖐🏾🖐🏻
Religion 🕉✡☸☪️☯✝️☮⚛
Age (legal) 👧🏻👨🏿👵🏽👴
Body/ability 😇🤡😺👽👻♿

I have experience playing with people who are…

  • cis men, trans men, cis women, trans women, genderqueer, genderfluid, non-binary, gender non-confirming, etc.
  • hetero men, gay men, lesbians, bisexual, pansexual, queer, etc.
  • African American, Latinx, Arab, South American, African, Caucasian, Asian, etc.
  • Pagan, Buddhist, Muslim, Christian, Atheist, Jewish, Hindu
  • ages 18 to 79 (and everything between)
  • voluptuous, skinny, swimmer’s build, muscular, large, tall, short, depressed, anxious, personality “disordered”, autistic, bipolar, PTSD, etc.

You can feel safe exploring and expressing your identity and sexuality, regardless of whatever combination of the above you are.