Cleaning: Know What You’re Doing

I always have a pretty strong suspicion that someone doesn’t understand how to properly clean when they say something like,

“I always sterilize my furniture.”


…because you can’t sterilize furniture.

You should know this stuff before you ever accept a client. You don’t want your ignorance about what you’re doing to set up conditions for someone to get an infection or develop a disease.

Learn about universal precautions. And then use them.

Ballet boots are not what you think they are

Recently I had someone ask if I had ballet boots in my dungeon (not yet) and if I would incorporate them into a scene (if I had them, yes).

When the person asked about being made to do pirouettes and things, I knew they didn’t understand that ballet boots are not meant to actually dance or even walk in. They’re fetish/fantasy footwear. This means they are used for looks and to invoke a certain feeling in the wearer or observer rather than having practical use.

I did a fetish/fantasy photo shoot in 2016 in which I wore mine but made it look like I was at the barre, taking class or warming up or something. Here’s a photo from the shoot:

I know I make it look “normal” or “easy” or whatever, but it was actually a very painful shoot.

See, ballet boots do not actually have support for you to stand like this, like actual pointe shoes do:

(my feet in a pair of my very old pointe shoes)

The vamp of the toe in a ballet boot is just some rubber or vinyl material. The vinyl is the thicker but flexible stuff used to make shoes and boots. However, there is no reinforced box or shank to help support your foot and the weight of your body as there is with pointe shoes. As a result standing en pointe in a ballet boot will feel much more painful.

It also can be dangerous. People who dance en pointe have had years of training their feet, ankles, and legs so they can stand, walk, and dance in that position. Without training, and in a pair of shoes not even meant for walking to begin with, you can really hurt yourself.

So, ballet dolls or footwear fetishists, please be careful when wearing these shoes or you might end up with broken toes or ankles, torn ligaments, or, if you fall, possibly worse.

Online Classes

I will be offering some online classes in the near future. The first four topics will be:

Finding The Domme Of Your Dreams

Understanding How You Fit Into BDSM

A Guide To Seeing A Dominatrix: From Searching To Sessions

Security Considerations

Class descriptions are on my Classes page.

I have some tentative dates in mind, but would like to hear from people about what day(s) and time(s) work best.

What would be helpful is knowing what class(es) you’re interested in, if a weekday or weekend works better, and if between 2pm -6pm EST or 6pm – 10pm EST works better. You can either email me or comment here.

If I don’t hear from you, I will schedule according to my preferences.

Concerns About Coronavirus/COVID-19

Addressing your concerns about the coronavirus outbreak.

I wanted to address concerns that people may have with the outbreak of the coronavirus, SARS-CoV2. I want to let you know how I’m handling it as a person who not only interacts with many people but often in very close proximity, and how this affects you.

The first thing to do is understand that a coronavirus infection isn’t a death sentence for most. In fact, most of us have been infected with one or more of the common strains of these viruses in our lifetime. Though this strain is new and serious, it’s mortality rate is currently relatively small, about 2% of infected people, and those people usually had pre-existing conditions or otherwise were more vulnerable because of weakened immune systems. So, if people become infected, most are likely to recover. Some may have little to no symptoms at all.

The second thing is to understand that while I come into contact with many people, some of whom are from different cities, states, even countries, you are probably much more likely to acquire this or any other airborne pathogen while at the post office, grocery store, or even the doctor’s office. Why? Simply put: numbers. You come into contact with far more people in those places than I do in my dungeon. And at the doctor’s office, specifically, you’re more likely to come into contact with sick people.

Those things aside, I have increased my safety measures.

I’m including additional questions in my health screening. I’m asking clients if they have had any symptoms of illness, especially fever, cough, or any breathing difficulties. If someone says yes, I ask them to postpone their session. If someone says no, I ask them if they have come into contact with anyone with those symptoms. If they say yes, I ask them to postpone their session. If they say no, I ask if they have traveled. Any people who have recently traveled to higher-risk areas (e.g. China, Iran, Italy) will be asked to postpone their session.

I have also stepped up the frequency of cleaning common surfaces which can easily transmit pathogens, such as doorknobs, lightswitches, handles, faucets, and the like. I’m now cleaning them after every visitor.

The procedures I use in my dungeon haven’t changed much because I already adhere to a rigorous method after each session.

I explain my procedure in my FAQ, but will review it here:

I use barriers such as gloves and disposable pads on surfaces such as my bench, table, couch, and floors. Not only does this reduce the risk of transmission between my clients and me, but between my clients and you.

I use appropriate disinfection techniques for the surface and material in question. When possible, materials are sterilized.

I use about five different products to disinfect. Which one I use depends on what I’m disinfecting. Four of the five disinfectants I use are medical grade (i.e. what are used in hospitals and doctor’s offices). While this is effective for the vast majority of pathogens that may be encountered in my dungeon, it is important to know that not all medical grade disinfectants kill everything. This particular coronavirus may be one such thing. Right now, there is no conclusive evidence of what kills this virus because it is a novel strain. Until they are able to rigorously test what renders it inactive, they are speculating.

Right now, the CDC and EPA have provided lists of products they believe should be effective because those products are effective against other similar viruses, such as what is known as “SARS” (SARS-CoV, the strain from 2002-2003) and “MERS” (MERS-CoV). Of the products I used, two are on the EPA’s list of registered products. Another one released a statement saying they can be used against this strain of coronavirus because they have shown efficacy against other similar viruses, presumably SARS-CoV and MERS-CoV. In short: I’m already disinfecting in the way the CDC recommends to protect against transmission of these types of viruses.

And I constantly wash my hands — correctly! Anyone who has sessioned with me has seen me over at my sink washing my hands at some point, usually multiple times.

So, if you are worried about getting SARS-CoV2 from visiting me, I want you to know that I can’t honestly tell you that you are completely safe. No Dominatrix, other BDSM professional, or any other professional can, for that matter. If they did they would be lying. People can be infected and be asymptomatic for 2-14 days (I read one source say up to four weeks). This means they have no idea they are infected with the virus. And though you are less likely to spread it when you’re asymptomatic, it is still possible — not just through touch but through the air.

Me? I believe I’m low risk to be a carrier. I have traveled only within Philadelphia since the beginning of the year, have had no symptoms of any communicable illness, nor have the people I have seen since this outbreak began. However, this does not mean someone I had contact with was not a carrier. We all have to use our best judgment here.

The number one most important preventative measure I can do is to ask those who have have been sick or who have traveled to areas in which infections have been reported to not book sessions with me at this time. Those who are not sick cannot acquire this or any other virus by people who are not infected with it. By you staying home, you keep all of us safer. Thank you.

Presenting at DomCon

I will be teaching two classes at DomCon this year:

This will be one-hour class open to industry professionals only. It will be held on Thursday, May 10th at 11am.
Description: In this class, I’ll discuss both online and real-time security issues for you and your clients.

This will be a one-hour class open to all conference attendees. It will be held on Friday, May 11th at 4:30pm.
Description: So you’ve decided you’d like to explore yourself with a professional Domme? In this class, I’ll discuss everything from finding the right Dominatrix for you, what you should consider before you contact Her, what to do when you’re ready, how to prepare for your session, and more.

Classes are free with admission to the conference.

Don’t Be Fooled: Spotting Fakes and Scammers

Not sure how to figure out if the person you’re dealing with is who they say they are? How can you tell if they’re a fake person using stolen photos? Or someone who’s trying to scam you? Here are some tips to help you save time and possibly money.

I discuss the characteristics and patterns of fake profiles and scamming behavior, and how to protect yourself.

The cost of this guide is $5.

Please send this as an Amazon gift card to


Please be sure to include your email address in the message field and it will be emailed to you.


All-inclusive Dominatrix

I WELCOME people of any:

Gender ♀♂⚧☿⚨⚭
Sexuality ⚢⚣⚤🔗🛐
Ethnicity/color 🖐🏽🖐🏿🖐🖐🏾🖐🏻
Religion 🕉✡☸☪️☯✝️☮⚛
Age (legal) 👧🏻👨🏿👵🏽👴
Body/ability 😇🤡😺👽👻♿

I have experience playing with people who are…

  • cis men, trans men, cis women, trans women, genderqueer, genderfluid, non-binary, gender non-confirming, etc.
  • hetero men, gay men, lesbians, bisexual, pansexual, queer, etc.
  • African American, Latinx, Arab, South American, African, Caucasian, Asian, etc.
  • Pagan, Buddhist, Muslim, Christian, Atheist, Jewish, Hindu
  • ages 18 to 79 (and everything between)
  • voluptuous, skinny, swimmer’s build, muscular, large, tall, short, depressed, anxious, personality “disordered”, autistic, bipolar, PTSD, etc.

You can feel safe exploring and expressing your identity and sexuality, regardless of whatever combination of the above you are.

What You Need to Know About “Forced Bi” (and Cuckolding and…)

“Forced bi” is a common fantasy, and men regularly ask for it, so I think it’s important to discuss what is involved in this type of scene before one decides to make it a reality. I’m doing this because I’m incredibly tired of going through the process and having the same conversation over and over, which often ends with the guy disappearing. Now, I’m going to point them to this article instead. If they come out alive, then I’ll know I’m dealing with someone who is as serious as I am.

If you don’t know, “forced bi” entails a Dominant woman “forcing” a man to erotically interact with another male. (I prefer to call it “forced homo” or “forced gay” to push My own homoerotic buttons.) Activities can include fondling, kissing, oral, anal, etc. The setting and motivation can vary.

Since cuckolding includes similar activities, what I’m going to say is also applicable for cuckolding scenarios. So it is useful for cucks, hotwives, and bulls to read as well. Or, really, anyone who wants to include intimate contact in their scenes.

Now, though it is popular, not all Dommes engage in this type of play, or if they do they may not allow all facets of it. There are a variety of reasons, some of which may be a personal lack of interest in this type of scene, legal concerns, or the number of flakes. That’s right: a lot of people ask for this play and when the Domme begins planning the scene, they suddenly go MIA. Whether they got cold feet, changed their mind, or had no real intention to play, there is a very high rate of people who don’t follow through.

As a result, when you ask for this type of session, you may be required to go through some extra checks to ensure you’re sincere. The Domme may ask for references, a deposit, a larger tribute, the entire tribute up-front, or something else that makes Her feel more secure. This is to gauge how serious you are. Because so many people are not serious, it is imperative that we weed those people out so we spend our time wisely.

Oh, you’re one of the serious ones? Hot.

The next thing you need to know is the Domme may not allow you to select who She is “forcing” you on. She may have one or more people that She works with for this type of scenario, and She may be the one who chooses who it will be. In that case, it is typical that the Domme will increase the tribute to cover the cost of the additional person’s time and work. In the event She is willing to let you specify, consider yourself very fortunate, but know it may come with additional requirements.

So, you have some very specific person in mind? Let’s say you’d like a guy who’s 6’4″, African American, 225lbs, muscular, smooth, and has a cock 8″ long. Well, I hate to tell you this, but there is no McStud drive-through window. We can’t just place an order off a menu for you; these people have to be found. Depending on your criteria, it may be very, very difficult to find your ideal. Now, if your Domme is amazing and willing to try to find your dreamboat, don’t be surprised or offended if She requires a finder’s fee. This fee may be commensurate with how much of Her time She invests or expects to invest in this search.

Why a finder’s fee? Your Domme is taking time out of Her day to help your fantasy come true. The time She’s spending trying to make your fantasy come true is time She’s not spending doing other work. And it is work. Don’t believe Me? Stop and think for a moment what you would do if you wanted to find your ideal and set this scenario up yourself. Where would you look? How would you contact people? Screen them? Maybe coordinate a time to meet them? Know you can trust them? It can take a lot of time, and there’s no guarantee that if the Domme finds this person they will actually be suitable for the scene. That’s another sometimes lengthy process.

Still with Me? Excellent.

The last thing you need to be aware of is the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). This is the part where the fantasy usually falls apart. Guys usually want to be forced onto bare cocks and it’s clear they haven’t thought it through. As soon as the details are discussed, the boner dies — possibly forever. As a former sexual health educator and counselor, I believe very a honest conversation about this is a mandatory part of ethical play. To allow people to remain ignorant or make decisions under the influence of a Boner High is pretty irresponsible.

If you didn’t know, all contact with other people’s bodies involves some kind of risk. Some things are more risky than others. Obviously, we work to mitigate this risk by introducing harm reduction efforts. We thoroughly clean anything that will come into contact with bodies, like furniture, equipment, and toys; and by introducing barriers, like gloves, condoms, chux, etc. If you remove any of these measures, you increase risk.

So, you want to suck or fuck a cock without a condom? Cool, but make sure you are very clear about what could happen when you do. It is especially crucial that those of you who are engaging in this type of play without the knowledge of your significant others know this before you put your partner at risk. I’ll skip My diatribe on honesty, but I will be blunt as hell in saying that if you recklessly catch an STI and pass it to your unknowing partner, possibly creating a life-changing situation for them, then you are a fucking shitbag of a human being.

What about getting tested? Getting tested is a fantastic idea — for everyone. There are lots of places around the country which provide free testing. Do a search for “free STI testing [your area]”. Just be aware that some clinics do not provide all available tests, so be sure to ask which are covered. And some tests don’t exist, such as one for HPV. If you still want to do this type of scene, don’t be afraid to ask your Domme about Her process: how She selects someone, screens them, how She cleans, what barriers She uses, etc. If She refuses to answer your questions or acts offended, I do not recommend doing this type of scene with Her.

Yep, this is all real shit, My sluts. This is why cleanliness is so important. And disclosure about one’s status.

Now, if you’ve completely lost your hard-on and think there is no way you can ever have your fantasy come true safely, that’s not so. If you take the right precautions, it’s possible to keep the risk very, very low. If everyone is careful, you can make it happen and stay safe.

If you’ve made it this far, bravo. I know discussing logistics can be pretty unsexy — but it’s a lot sexier than coming down with syphilis.

tl;dr: if you have this fantasy, great, but understand that if you really want it to come true, it will not happen with the wave of magic wand; it will take work. And if the Dominant is a professional, it may require compensating them, and possibly the other party, appropriately. It may also require some flexibility on your part. You may need to give up the Stud of your Dreams and let the Domme bring in the person She is already working with. Lastly, you need to be aware of risk and what you need to do to keep yourself (and possibly someone else) safe.

Professional BDSM & Confidentiality: It Goes Both Ways

Almost every client expresses some kind of concern about their privacy. Some people are very laid back about it and some people are very, very paranoid. I understand and respect the range of concerns and needs that exist. However, what some clients don’t understand is that We professionals share some of these same concerns.

Clients take it upon themselves to protect their interests in a variety of ways. Sometimes they use pseudonyms, create a free email account just for the purposes of pursuing BDSM and fetish play, use different phone numbers (perhaps getting a dedicated cell phone number they have not shared with anyone other than the Domme(s) they see), pay for deposits and tributes in cash or via gift card (so as to be untraceable), and more. All of this is done to afford themselves some privacy from those they don’t want knowing about their proclivities.

As a professional, I believe that one of My primary responsibilities is to uphold confidentiality for My clients. I take people’s trust in Me very seriously. Though My personal ethics are sometimes in conflict with My professional ones, because I am here as a professional, that is the place from which I make My ethical decisions.

I uphold the highest level of confidentiality I can by law. This means, if a spouse were to contact Me asking Me if I knew their husband or wife, I would tell them I can’t say anything about anyone I have sessioned with — ever. If another pro Domme asked Me for My client’s contact info (name, address, phone number, email), I would tell them I cannot release any information about anyone I see without the client’s permission — including inquiries for a reference.

However, there are three instances where I will break confidentiality. One is if a person is a potential harm to someone. For example, if a person harmed or threatened to harm a Domme or other individual, this person is pretty much guaranteed to be placed on professional BDSM watchlists/blacklists. We DO NOT play around with people who hurt other Dommes or make threats. Really, it’s better We don’t session with them anyway as some of Us have deep sadistic reserves that may show themselves when provoked. The second instance is if someone indicates they may be a harm to themselves. That is, if a client tells Me they are going to kill themselves, I am going to get them some help. Of course, I will do whatever I can to maintain the confidentiality of the nature of our relationship, but if I really think you might kill yourself, I am not going to ignore that — even if it might mean I have to explain to a crisis center’s staff that I’m your Dominatrix. The last instance is in some legal situations. In certain cases, I may be forced to disclose details about Our relationship or be faced with fines and jail. Which cases are those, you ask? Let’s say someone liked child pornography. And let’s say they got involved in a “ring”. And let’s say that person also came to Me for sessions. Now, if that person gets caught, and their computer is seized, it is likely that when law enforcement sees the emails I have exchanged with that person talking about “sessions”, they will contact Me asking for information. I will, of course, tell them I can’t disclose information; at which time they will likely get a subpoena. Then, I will be forced to break confidentiality.

Now, there is a flip side to this coin that it does not appear many people think about: Us professionals. We have concerns about and take measures to protect Our privacy, too. Given that the laws around these kind of activities vary across the country and the world, the wrong person knowing that someone is doing any of this can get them thrown in jail — and sometimes that “wrong person” can be someone you might think is harmless or an “ally”. Not just another potential client who is asking you for a Domme’s number, but another Domme Herself.

It’s really unfortunate but some professionals aren’t all that ethical, professional, and/or mentally stable. Some Dommes don’t understand how to conduct themselves like a professional (other than the getting paid part). Some Dommes don’t have personal ethical codes — let alone know what ethics even mean. Some Dommes have emotional problems and it’s not beneath them to retaliate against clients and other Dommes. If one such person gets a hold of another Domme’s phone number or physical location, it could end up with that Domme having her home taken away, fined, thrown in jail, and life ruined. Sounds dramatic, but it can — and has — happened.

Unless a Domme has made it explicitly clear that she consents to you sharing ANY of Her personal info — whether it’s Her email, Her phone number, (especially) Her address, or even Her neighborhood — do not share it with anyone.

So, please understand that when we agree to even speak to you about a session, We are extending a level of trust to you. And when We agree to actually see you? An even greater level of trust. When a Domme extends that trust to you, treat it with deep respect, as We (should) do when you extend it to Us. If a Domme does not have Her email address on Her website, don’t share it with anyone. If a Domme does not have Her phone number on Her website, keep it to yourself. If a Domme is independent and is willing to session with you in Her own home, WOW, you are one lucky slut! Treat Her location as something that should be known only to you  — even if you think sharing would be harmless. Unless a Domme has made it explicitly clear that she consents to you sharing ANY of Her personal info — whether it’s Her email, Her phone, (especially) Her address, or even Her neighborhood — do not share it with anyone. You may not only cause harm to Her, but you may fuck yourself over, too.

We Dommes have screening procedures for those who want to session with Us. This is to help Us and Our clients stay safe. (If a Domme doesn’t screen and/or is willing to take anyone, that tells you a little bit about Her values.) If you give out Our contact info, then you may have helped someone We may have not felt safe sessioning with have access to Us in ways We may not have let them had. You may actually put Us in danger. This is why it’s important to treat Us with the same discretion as We treat you. If someone wants to know how to email or call Us, or wants to know where We are located, direct them to Our website. They can get Our email, phone, or location there — if We have chosen to publish it. If not, it’s guaranteed to be for a very good reason.

Take a moment to really grasp the weight of what it means when these kinds of personal details are shared — with strangers! Think about the kind of trust W/we are giving to each other. Think about what can happen if W/we don’t honor that trust. Understand that for many of U/us, someone knowing even one little thing could profoundly affect someone’s life: loss of a relationship, a career, friends, a business, a home, children. We are ALL taking risks here, and we can only continue when respect for one another’s privacy is maintained.

Policy Update and a Word About Safety and Vetting

Is it the full moon? Because I could swear that due to some people who have been contacting Me, and the other pro Dommes in Philly, that We’re in the midst of one.

As some may be aware, this profession isn’t without its share of shitbags of every flavor: people who waste your time, people who try to challenge you on your tribute or protocol, people who want to drag you into the drama of their personal life, and people who aren’t just assholes, but Potentially Dangerous Assholes (PDA). When it comes to people who are assholes, it can range from general belligerence all the way to more psychopathic behavior.

PDAs are a collection of people who tend to be aggressive, even threatening; compulsively lie; and lack any discernible empathy. They may also do things which are Creepy As Fuck, like harass or stalk. Those of you with knowledge of psychology may recognize that these characteristics overlap with some personality disorders. While some personality disorders are expressed in mild and not harmful ways, they also sometimes manifest in the form of a serial killer.

So, in the interest of keeping Myself and everyone in the professional circle safe, I am going to be reworking My vetting process.

For now, I am going to tighten the reigns a bit. The main concern is that We all want to make sure We’re not sessioning with people who are dangerous. Did you hear about the escort who killed a serial killer in self-defense? Well, I don’t want to be her, and I don’t want anyone else to be her. I really would like to practice My craft without having to deal with fending someone off and having to call the police. (By the way, if a person is thinking about attacking someone, a Dominatrix is a terrible choice. We are often very fucking fierce bitches and won’t think twice about using Our “toys” to permanently fuck them up in self-defense.)

Now, I still prefer a reference from an active, professional Dominant that you’ve sessioned with in the past year. If you haven’t sessioned in the past year, I require two. If it’s been a long time since you sessioned, and the Dommes you saw don’t remember you or are retired, I may ask for a good photo of your face; I may ask you to share a photo of a valid ID (always held in confidentiality); I may say someone else has to vet you; or I may decline to session with you altogether. Whatever the case, it will be My discretion and My call. If you are not comfortable with and do not understand the value of My interest in keeping EVERYONE safe — and what that says about Me and My integrity — then move along. Questioning safety procedures will make you look like a creep.

Dear Liars: If you provide a reference and I discover you haven’t actually sessioned with the person, you will be BLACKLISTED for  LIFE. In the BDSM world, lying about a reference is My idea of a felony. You just don’t do that shit and think I’m going to want to even TALK to you.

As I think about this and how to make it simple, yet effective, I may change things. If the change is minor, I will only update it on My Protocol page.