Training

Interested in receiving training from an authentic Mistress and professional Dominatrix?

I offer personalized training for individuals and couples in a wide variety of activities for submissives, slaves, bottoms, and/or fetishists. I typically do not train Dominants except in the case of a couple where the Dominant would like coaching from another Dominant about training their submissive. In these cases, the training must occur with both parties present. (The couple can be of any sex, gender, or sexual orientation.)

Knowing what kind of training is appropriate for you requires knowing what you are trying to accomplish. To put it simply:

If you want to learn how to be submissive, then you want submissive training.

If you want to learn how to be of service, then you want slave training.

If you want to learn how to experience an activity but do not want power exchange, then you want bottom training.

If it’s really about your specific fetishes around “training” rather than the actuality of what it looks like, you want fetishized or fantasy training.

MistressTissa_Training

Here, my submissive is receiving punishment with his training.

Also important is understanding the “mood” you would like for your training. The mood can dramatically change the feeling. I can create training sessions which are fun and laid back all the way to strict and sadistic. Please note: I may not necessarily offer any combination of type of training and mood you are looking for.

I’m a natural educator and am adept in many activities, but I’m especially well suited for those wishing to be trained in:

MistressTissa_SubmissionAuthentic Submission. This involves the incorporation of my formal studies in psychology and philosophy (and spirituality, when mutually desired) to teach you what genuine submission is and how to find, express, and/or hone it within yourself. This can be sexy, challenging, fun, educational, and powerful. (Psst…it’s not really about just being on your knees.)

MistressTissa_SlaveBakesAuthentic Slavery. Like submissive training, I use my knowledge and skills in psychology and philosophy (and, again, any mutual interests in spirituality) to teach you what genuine slavery is and how to provide it. Long-term slaves will be trained in understanding the Path of Service, including self-awareness and self-improvement. slaves may also work toward self-actualization.

Femme Training. “Femme” is a distinct concept from “female”. I do not approach femme training assuming that you are or want to be female. You can identify as male, female, or something else and be trained to be femme. Training can include only dress, including how to best dress for your  version of femme, to the inclusion of makeup, mannerisms, and speaking. The most serious femmes can also train in the psychology of femme, femme integration, and femme as a tool for healing “toxic masculinity”.  Note: I do not offer femme training as a form of humiliation.

MistressTissa_SlutTrainingSlut Training. In my world, sluts are good things, and my approach to training reflects that. How, specifically, your training occurs depends on whether you’re a sub, slave, or fetishist; but regardless, you will learn to express your glorious inner slut. You do not have to assume a female persona to engage in this type of training. Men are and can be sluts, too!

 

 

If you would like to explore training with me, whether for one session, a handful of sessions, or over a long period of time, please complete the request form on my contact page. Be sure to include details about the type of training you wish to receive. If you omit the details and just ask for “training”, I will assume that you are coming to me as a slave, have no ego needs, and you would like me to 100% choose how I train you.

If you are interested in training but are not sure which is appropriate for you and your interests, I can help pinpoint what is likely the best fit for you. I can do this is two ways:

1. If you’re not certain you want to schedule a session, request a coaching session only.

2. If you know you’re interested in scheduling a session with me, then I recommend an extended session consultation. Please complete my session request form and indicate that you would like an extended consultation.

Who Really Has The Power?

When speaking of power exchange relationships in BDSM, such as Dominance/submission (“D/s”), you may occasionally hear some people claim, “it’s the sub who truly holds the power.” Often this is followed with the assertion that submission is a “gift”. While there is truth to this, it’s not the whole truth.

The first error is the implication that power is held by one person: the sub. Just like outside of our kinky play, everyone has power. It’s just up to you whether you’re going to exercise it or give it up.

So, while the submissive does in fact hold power, so does the Dominant. Both roles involve having and expressing power. The sub can be controlled only as much as they allow and the Domme will control only as much as they are willing.

This is a symbiotic relationship. It’s characterized by interdependence. One is defined by the existence of the other.

In other words: while it’s true that without a sub the Domme has no one to control, it’s also true that without a Domme the sub has no one to be controlled by. They are both receiving benefits from — and giving “gifts” to — one another.

Article: Kinky Sex Could Be the Secret to Your Success

“Many successful visionaries throughout history, from artists to scientists and even politicians, have had well-documented kinks and fetishes that affected how they operated in their daily lives.

A wave of recent research has confirmed this: If it’s something you desire in the first place, kinky sex can benefit you not just in the bedroom, but outside of it as well. “Unconventional” sexual practices and fantasies, such as BDSM, group sex, or role play, have been shown to reduce psychological stress, improve mental health and can help with satisfying and communicative relationships. Kinky people have also been found to have higher self-worth than those who are too afraid or ashamed to pursue their fantasies

People who engage in BDSM and kink have been found to be happier, more conscientious and less neurotic than people who don’t engage in so-called “deviant” sex. “

More confirmation of what many of us have known all along: kink is healthy and has tangible benefits.

Full article here: https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12231118/how-kinky-sex-leads-to-career-success/ (worth the read)

Shaming Dominant Women Who Submit

There is a faction of men, and some women, who are very outspoken about their contempt for Dominant Women who enjoy submission. I have seen them stalk and harass such women, proclaiming, “She’s not a REAL Domme! She submits!” Aside from looking like a troll, there’s a clear lack of understanding about power exchange as it exists outside of their porn clips and fetish fantasies, as well as some possible double-standards and hidden misogyny. Let Me attempt to bring these people into the real world.

First of all, I want to say that I do not trust ANY Dominant — female, male, or otherwise — who claims to have never submitted and does not have an interest to do so. To Me, it’s a big ol’ red flag. It’s kinda like when you have a supervisor who has never done your job and has no interest in learning what you do, but they are happy to act like an authority about it and boss you around. Nobody likes these kind of people.

I believe that to be an effective and great Dominant, you need to experience submission. What does giving up power mean, how much are you willing to give, under what conditions are you able to let go, how do you feel and react when being given an order, what goes through your mind when you are pushed, and so on. This is important because having an experience as a submissive increases your empathy for submissives.

Likewise, to be a great top you need to understand what it means to bottom. If you want to use an implement on someone, you should know what it feels like to receive that implement (anatomical limitations aside). If you don’t understand the perspective of the person who is bottoming, your knowledge will be limited to what you can imagine their perspective being like. And, personally, despite My rich imagination, I can tell you that there really is no substitute for actually feeling a single tail yourself.

“But how can a woman say She’s Dominant but also be willing to submit? Dominant Women don’t submit! It’s against their nature! It invalidates Their Holy Dommliness!”

Here’s the reality: dominant men can kneel before Me, submit to My power for one, two, three or more hours, and at the conclusion of our scene, guess what? They get up off their knees and continue their lives as dominant men. Likewise, a Domme can relinquish control to another…and when She stops relinquishing that control, She’s still Dominant. People, like power, are things whose expression is multi-layered and dynamic.

One way power can be expressed is through an intrinsically “dominant” personality. You may have heard of “type A” personalities. These are dominant types. Their brain is wired in such a way that they are naturally take-charge people. They feel more comfortable in leadership roles, and being assertive and confrontational is usually easier for them.

Another way power is expressed is by making a conscious choice to express it in a given situation. If one makes a decision to take the advice of their doctor and have the surgery, this is actually an act of submission! However, agreeing to let someone else operate on you does not change your underlying personality — whether dominant, submissive, etc. — before, during, or after the procedure.

Also, like many men, women usually have requirements before they’ll agree to offer their submission. It might be only given during certain activities, definitely not during other activities, and there might even be conditions to “inspire” submission, without which they don’t feel the desire or ability to do so in the first place. Sometimes it’s a person’s sex or gender, sometimes their age or ethnicity, sometimes it’s physique or clothing, sometimes it’s money. I have heard several men tell Me that beauty inspires submission in them. Or height. Or intelligence. Or big tits. Or bitchiness. Or very high heels. Dommes who submit are pretty much guaranteed to have their own versions of these things. It’s all personal and valid.

If you’re asking yourself, “Why in the world would someone who is Dominant even feel a desire to submit in the first place? Isn’t that exactly what Dominant people don’t want to do?”  I think one reason why people feel this way is because they are, probably unconsciously, associating submission with weakness, humiliation, or because it’s a sign that someone is actually unable to effectively dominate. None of these are true.

Imagine a dominant male CEO who is responsible for leading his company and the people in it every flipping day. He’s very good at this, but it’s still a lot of pressure and it can wear a person out. Most people will want to find ways to manage the stress that is generated. We all tend to do this naturally; it’s part of our inclination to homeostasis. The more “on” and “in control” a person has to be in their lives, they more they might feel a need to do the opposite to find their equilibrium. (The inverse can be true for people in positions in which they lack power.) This is not weakness. It’s a function of emotional health. So, the CEO might find his equilibrium by going sailing, gambling at a casino, or visiting a Dominatrix.

It’s the same for a Domme. She might spend all week controlling Her subs’ every move; tying them down and doing all sorts of things to them “without their consent” and on the weekend think, “All these guys seemed so at peace afterward. I want to know what it’s like to be tied down and have things done to Me ‘against My will’. I want to take a break and give someone else the power to make the decisions.” And so, like the always-in-control CEO, She decides to release some pressure by situationally submitting to another.

The thing about this that shamers don’t seem to understand or care about is: the rope that ties Her down or the thing that does whatever to Her doesn’t magically change Her desire, ability, or wiring to be Dominant anymore than the CEO who gets on his knees and licks the bottom of My shiny black boots. These are just experiences people are having. It doesn’t fundamentally change who they are. (Well, it could have an effect on one’s consciousness and self-concept which can change over time, but that’s for another article.)

People also can submit just for fun. I mean, some of you do it for that reason, right? You’re not hardcore, “lifestyle” slaves, you just want to negotiate some activities and then let your Dominant make the decisions about what they look like for a couple hours. You enjoy the mystery, the suspense, even the “game”. It’s sexy. It’s a good time. Why would that be any different for a Domme?

Lastly, if a woman is really Dominant, She’s going to do whatever the hell She wants, anyway — whether someone thinks it’s okay or not. A person’s ignorance won’t change that, and any unexamined beliefs regarding women, dominance, submission, and how they relate to that person’s fantasies about those things are theirs to own and don’t necessarily have any bearing on reality. So stop shaming Dominant Women who submit.

 

The continued training of slave m

Dear Mistress Tissa:

i would like to begin by saying “thank You” for another amazing session.   As is always the case, O/our sessions are equally intense and enjoyable for me.  This one was no different.  i hope that You were pleased and satisfied with the way i served You on this day.

Thank You for the time You spent prior to O/our session, checking in with me on my well-being both emotionally and physically.  It is very satisfying to know that i am the devoted slave of a dominatrix who is not only highly skilled and knowledgeable in BDSM, but also cares very much about Her subs’ emotional and physical well-being.  It is very comforting to know that i am in the capable hands of a such a sincere practitioner of Her vocation.

As previously stated, O/our most recent session was extremely intense and equally enjoyable, with two different scenarios that took place where You beat my ass with various types of instruments of discipline.  At various times You used Your powerful hands…

mistresstissa_spank

…two different new paddles that you were breaking in on me, (by the way, the wooden one stung the most), floggers, whips, and two wooden canes, were all harshly applied to my back, but mostly to my ass.

mistresstissa_redbottom

As is always the case it was an extremely enjoyable experience for me being at the complete mercy of a beautiful and skilled Dominatrix.  But, what made it so much more satisfying was the fact that You took the time to continue my training on effectively accepting and enjoying the beating that You were administering.  And, i cannot thank You enough for the lessons You have taught me on being a more receptive pain slut for You.  Instructing me on being more receptive to the discipline You administer by focusing on accepting each blow as more of a sensation, instead of “just pain,” has helped me to more fully enjoy these pleasurable experiences to the fullest.  i was better able to stay in the moment and focus on accepting Your discipline as a sensation to  be enjoyed, as opposed to pain that simply must be endured.  Even the final three blows you administered to my ass with the very large cane were manageable, but more importantly, exciting and enjoyable.   This was mainly due to the clear and purposeful suggestions You gave me on managing and accepting the intensity of the situation.  When You asked me if i could handle the final three intense blows that You were planning to administer, i knew that i could, because at that point i was well trained on accepting each blow as a sensation to be appreciated and savored.  Your expertise in Domination is unparalleled in my opinion and something that i truly admire.

I cannot thank You enough Mistress Tissa for teaching me how to better accept and enjoy the pain/pleasure that You administer to me during O/our sessions, and

for being so patient with me as You train me to be a better slave to You, and

for applying those amazing “healing hands” of Yours to my most sore areas during O/our recent session, and

for helping me to come to the realization that i truly love submitting to any pain that You inflict on me during O/our sessions because i derive tremendous pleasure from experiencing that sensation, but more importantly (to me) because  of the pleasure it affords You, and

for being  such a beautiful and amazing Goddess and allowing me the privilege of worshipping You as a “devoted slave”.

Sincerely,

slave m

slave m neglected to mention that the entire context of our session was about allowing one’s self to enter deep levels of submission through certain activities. We have been exploring sensation processing and how it relates to submission.

Also, slave m continues to be generous with his compliments. I don’t think My expertise in Domination is “unparalleled”, but I do consider Myself an expert in power dynamics/exchange and the psychology thereof.

For the record: The photo of his reddened bottom is only after I had spanked and paddled it. The other implements came after I took him off My lap.

Mistress Tissa’s Lexicon: Scene Director

Scene Director: This is the person who attempts to tell the Dominant how to run the show. They may tell Her/Him how to dress, how they should behave, what emotions to feel, what their motivation is, how and when to do an activity and for how long. The more Dominant a person is, they more they hate this.

Some of you may say, “But shouldn’t I tell the Dominant what I like and don’t like?” Of course. But there is a difference between discussing your likes and limits and micromanaging your Dominant. Scene Directors tend to want to make decisions that are normally the responsibility and interest of the Dominant. They tend to completely disregard the concept of “negotiation” and self-proclaimed and/or agreed upon submission. They assume that the Dominant is merely there to follow their script, instead of the one who is supposed to direct the scene. If you’re looking to be director, and want the “Domme” to be the actress in your fantasy, you’re looking for what’s called a “service top” (i.e. not a Domme).

When encountered by a professional Dominant, it is especially irksome because it shows Us that despite your interest in what We offer, you either have a lack of trust in Our ability to do it or you are simply objectifying Our role in the interaction. If you feel this way, you may wish to reflect on what’s really going on for you; or, if it’s because you’re nervous because you aren’t clear about how We may do an activity, simply ask for more time to go over things.

A Scene Director is also said to be “topping from the bottom

What kind of submissives do I like?

While some Dommes indicate preferences for the types of subs that serve them, My requirements are simple: I want you to actually be submissive.

You don’t have to be attractive or in-shape or “young” or of a certain ethnicity. These things are irrelevant when it comes to service. This is why I don’t ask for what you look like when you apply to see Me. I ask your age for legal reasons but it, like how tall you are or your hair and eye color, has no bearing on your ability to serve.

I welcome neurodiverse people eighteen years and older, any ethnicity, any color, any gender identity and expression, any sexual orientation, any body type or ability, any religion, any nationality, and any experience level.