One of the banes of a Dominatrix’s existence is same-day cancelations. The reason We loathe this is because it’s guaranteed to cost Us and mess things up. Sometimes in more ways than people may have ever considered.
You may not be aware of this but sessions can involve quite a lot of preparation. In fact, it’s common that the time it takes Us to prepare for a session is greater than the length of the session itself. This means that when you make an appointment, We are agreeing to “front” you a lot of work with the expectation you will show up.
The is not unique to Dominatrices. Other professionals may spend a lot of time preparing for your “event”. Take attorneys and caterers, for example. You ask a lawyer to represent you in a case or a caterer to make the food for a private party. The lawyer must spend time learning everything about your situation, may do research, fill out and file paperwork, and prepare media, cross-examinations, negotiations, and more, to facilitate and increase the chance of your desired outcome. The caterer spends time discussing your needs, comes up with a custom menu, buys all the ingredients, prepares everything from scratch, stores it until needed, brings it to you, and attractively presents everything for your guests.
Now, imagine you decide on the day of the case or party that you want to cancel. All this work done to prepare for you is now being abandoned. When realizing they will have nothing to show for their work (more accurately, they will be at a loss), you will have a very angry lawyer and caterer on your hands. This is precisely why most professionals ask for a retainer or deposit. What kind of deposit they ask for depends on you, what you’re asking for, and what that professional knows about patterns of behavior and the risks in their own line of work.
What kind of work do We do before your event? To help others gain some insight, here are some of the things We Dominatrices may do to prepare for Our clients:
- Haircut, hairstyling and/or dye
- Manicure and/or pedicure
- Foot spa treatment (foot fetishists usually prefer soft feet and this takes effort to maintain)
- Facial
- Waxing
- Workouts
- Makeup
- Taking time off from another job, which might entail using vacation or sick time
- Booking a dungeon or hotel room
- Checking your reference(s), with multiple emails and/or phone calls
- Buying something special for your appointment, such as wardrobe, shoes, food, drink, toys, etc.
- Checking that equipment is safe and in good working order
- Disinfecting and sterilizing equipment
- Preparing the session, which can involve not only planning activities but the emotional and physical preparation related to them (for some sessions, this can take days)
- Arranging for a security person to be present or accompany Us
- Arranging for spouses/significant others/family to be out of the house
- Hiring a babysitter
- Cleaning Our living space and/or dungeon for your arrival, which is either going to be Us, a slave, or someone we hire
- Sequestering pets away
- Stocking the bathroom shower with towels and toiletries, if needed
- Turning down other clients who are asking for the same time slot
- and more
Whether it’s labor, material goods, or money, Dommes invest in your session before you even arrive. So, when you decide not to show up? You literally cost Us. This is why many of Us have cancellation policies which reflect Our expectation that you follow through in the same way in which you are expecting Us.
Afraid to commit because you’re a commitment-phobe? Hey, that’s life for some people. Unfortunately, this will limit your options with Dominatrices. We commit to Our clients every day. Do you think We don’t have days where We really just don’t feel like sessioning and would rather be in a pajamas instead of latex and trade in Our stilettos for fuzzy slippers? It happens to all of Us. We still show up. So, if you can’t reciprocate, then We just may not be a good fit for you.
Or maybe you’re type who prefers to do these kinds of things when you get that emotional “hard-on”? I get it. I prefer having a “boner” for sessions, too. But the truth is: you don’t need to be under the influence of a Boner High to enjoy your session. In fact, waiting for that magic moment could mean you never end up in a session.
The problem is that the boner is a fickle little lad (or lassie). If you lose that boner between the point you ask for the session and the actual session, you will believe that you no longer want to session. You will then feel an impulse to cancel. If you let your boner make this decision, it will not consider how this affects the Domme and whatever financial, material, mental, and emotional resources She invested into preparing for your session. This will cause serious problems for you and those depending on you. This is when you may lose your deposit and be asked to pay tributes. (Just like the lawyer or caterer, work was done and resources used.)
And the people who are chronic cancelers? They develop a reputation as a flake. Flakes tend to get blacklisted. Blacklisted people don’t get to play with the pros. And you really do want to play with the pros — especially if you require a no-strings, confidential experience.
All this said, We know that sometimes you truly must cancel same day. As much as We wish it wouldn’t happen, We understand and accept that it’s a part of life. We just ask that you respect Us by adhering to the cancellation policies We have created in order to minimize the impact you may have on Us. Without minimizing this impact, We will suffer a significant financial and emotional toll. If the toll becomes too great you lose Dominatrices.
So, please make good on your word. Making appointments is an extension of trust. You put your trust in Us, and We put Our trust in you. When you commit to a session, please follow through on that commitment. If you are not sure you are ready to commit, no problem; just wait until you are. Be courteous and responsible. We appreciate it. We appreciate you. Thank you.
That’s awful. I’ve never cancelled on the same day and the few times I’ve cancelled I have always tried to reschedule at the same time.
It happens. If someone has a legit reason and absolutely cannot help it, I completely understand. It has happened to Me. But sometimes it’s clear that it’s a lie, carelessness, or apathy.
When the problem compounds is when people do it consecutively. Book and cancel, book and cancel, ad nauseum. That is a red flag that they will become a big, black hole of your time and energy.
Same-day cancellations don’t happen often for Me, but they have increased in the last year. In almost all of those cases, I had to pester each of them about it. This is why I had to revise some of My protocol and what inspired Me to write this article.